Hey There Jillilah

"Am I lesbian?"

2012-02-13T23:31:00.000+08:00

That's a question I recently find myself asking because I feel so eternally single at the moment. Like no one is attractive and sometimes thoughts make me go hmm, maybe I should date girls. Because there are faaaaar more attractive girls in real life than attractive guys (though usually, they're the kind that annoy me). But then again, I go online and spend literally days and days looking at pages of pictures of REALLY FUCKING ATTRACTIVE guys (hi Jared Leto) and I feel myself salivate in the mouth and down there and I go, wow, yep, I'm straight as a pole.

Well, maybe not a pole.

There are two girl-on-girl porn on the bunch of porn I downloaded a while ago. I'm so sexually frustrated it's not even funny. Whoever is the first guy I find attractive enough to sleep with must do some stretching now, I swear.

Hi, I like your face.

2012-02-13T02:47:00.000+08:00

(credit to the owner who obviously got cropped off in this picture. Not by me.)

I just noticed now how feminine his eyebrows are. And his nose is so sexy, I am resisting the urge to bite it from the screen even if that is impossible. I love noses that are out there, you know?

dead v2.0

2012-02-12T16:30:00.001+08:00

I keep staring at this photo and going, yep, I have a reason to live. As the internet would say, I would hit it like the fist of an angry god.

I think we should all sign a petition for him to leak nudes already. Sheesh, how long do we have to wait, son?

perfect gif to go with this post.

dead

2012-02-12T01:17:00.000+08:00

I'm on a Jared Leto kick today.

sweet dreams to me..

Been reading up on stuff about him on ONTD. My dreams are true. (not the double penis part) He is hung like a horse. I don't doubt it. Hummanah hummanah.

If this dream came true, just kill me.

2012-02-11T15:20:00.000+08:00

I was touring with Incubus and Simple Plan (for whatever reason they are touring together, I have no idea). Then I run into Jared Leto and we take a walk. I ask him if I could go with them and he said I shouldn't ask that out loud because people might hear and think badly of me.

Him: do you wanna tour with us?
Me: who do I have to sleep with?
Him. Me.

Then we proceed to the nearest bathroom and fuck like rabbits and he has two penises, only one was circumcised but both were really huge!

So I should really stop looking at porn (it was Mafe's who got it from me but it's from her hard drive!) before going to sleep. Or maybe continue since it's giving me fantastic dreams like that.

I told Jhermin about this dream a while ago and she asked "how do you maneuver two penises?" And proceeded with more obscenities about Jared Leto.

Jhermin: I wanna see them live now naaaa.
Me: I wanna see him live in my panties.

This has been an R-18 blog post. Thank you.

Girl problems

2012-02-05T22:51:00.001+08:00

Let me take you to a journey of my mind as I get dressed to a children's party.

Ooh I'm gonna wear this polka dot dress 1 (PDD1).
I'm gonna look like a maid but oh well.
Wow my hair stinks. But I just washed my hair 2 days ago. I'll just tie my hair back, no one would smell it.
Shower shower showering
Hmm what underwear to wear? Why are my underwear nice? I can't wear these!
Picks electric blue maximizer bra
My boobs look like baby butt. Awesome.
Put on PDD1
Put on makeup
Chill out
Look in the mirror because I'm really late
Holy crap why is my dress too short?
Should I wear ballet flats? But these are naaagnas na so NO.
Boots, Chucks or Keds?
I look stumpy in all these shoes
And my dress is really short
Remove PDD1, put on PDD2
Why are my dresses suddenly too short??
Try on all shoe choices
I'm so uglyyyyy
Put on stockings to cover my legs
Try on all shoe choices
I'm still ugly
And I'm late to the partyyyy
Why are my boobs so big??
Realize big boobs make my dresses shorter
Take off clothes
Change underwear
Bye baby butt boobs
Put on PDD1
Remove stockings
Try on all shoe choices
Everything's a mess
Why am I stumpy?
Should I wear ballet flats?
But they're naaagnas na!
Put ballet flats on
Ok I look cute now
What time is it!!!
Get stuff and go out
Shoot I forgot to powder my hair
Oh well, people are just gonna accept the fact that your hair stinks today.

this is what will happen if I babysit your kids. Especially if your kid is obnoxious.

2012-02-04T13:50:00.003+08:00

Let's be clear: kids are the worst.
They ask too many questions, they're super nosy, they're super needy, they spill everything, they're small, they don't get sarcasm, they can't read, they have no concept of how to be subtle about ANYTHING and they are full on buzz kills when it comes to almost everything.
Babies are fine -- mostly because they can't speak. You could exaggerate a story around them and they would just let it slide, but tell the slightest tall tale around a kid and they're all like, "That's not what happened, Auntie Erin!"
Don't ask me to watch your kid, unless you want them to find out the truth about Santa Claus and what "Mommy used to be a dancer" really means.

(from hellogiggles.com)

Flashback: 10 pounds earlier

2012-02-04T00:53:00.002+08:00

with the belated birthday girl, then boomman, Malia

Di ako makapaniwalang at one point of my life, naging ganyan kapayat yung hita ko. Yung mukhang hindi fertile. Now I can't describe my thighs as anything but child-bearing or birthing. I MUST look like that again!

I always make that hand sign+face whenever I wear a ghetto hat. It just applies.

Embarrassing photo of the week. ANYARE??

2012-02-04T00:10:00.001+08:00

I accidentally ran into my pictures during thesis time (circa 2008) and there were this set of pictures in Tagaytay where my thesismates and I were taking really HIDEOUS pictures of each other. Since i'm a good friend, I'll only post mine.

I look like I'm wearing fake teeth!! What the fuck is going on in with my mouth in this picture???

To be fair, I think we were trying to look like someone in particular in this picture. Hint: Big Toe. Kulang ako sa dead eyes so I fail. And it kinda looks decent-ish if you cover my mouth? Maybe? Please?

I miss my hair!!

WHY AM I SO CUTE?

2012-02-03T20:05:00.000+08:00

My mother is forcing me to shower (because she says I stink) but I'm too busy looking up stuff online deciding whether I want to be sexy or keep being cute.

Curse you, Asian genes!

awkward growing out phase.

2012-02-02T01:03:00.002+08:00

My bangs haven't grown this long in a while but I'm holding on to it because I want to try living my life without my hair covering my face. It's gonna be a challenge because I got so used to seeing myself with a fringe. So far, it's not going well. My hair always end up being either soccer mom-ish or just man-ish, I just end up bunning my hair and clipping my bangs all day everyday (which is good because I rarely wash my hair). I'm just waiting for myself to be fed up with my face that I hack them on my own. Looking to try baby bangs anyway.

Stupid things I did after a breakup.

2012-01-31T01:03:00.002+08:00

My friend is going through a tough breakup now and every time she goes texting me stuff like "Jill, I'm so sad. Jill, I feel so empty. Jill, I want him back." I can't help but laugh a bit not because I'm mean (not entirely) but because of how it's still weirdly familiar that grueling pain of breaking up with someone is. When I was going through the same thing, this zen state I'm in right now is absolutely nowhere in the horizon and I was convinced I would be miserable for the rest of my life.

And look at me now.

Single and no plans of having a boyfriend unless you're really hot and an established musician in French Canada. And looking forward to being a creepy catlady. (I'm not even being sarcastic. This is how I want my life to turn out.)

And really happy.

But it took a while to get there. Like a WHILE. My friend was worried it would take as long as I did to get over her breakup because I took a whole lot of time and did a whole bunch of stupid mess to get where I am now.

And now I'm gonna tell you all about it. In list form.

begged him to take me back right after breaking up with him. Then the ball was on his court (whatever that means since I don't play ball games but I think I'm using it right) and I was the one devastated when he didn't.
cried in a food court in front of my best friend. I was banging my head on the table when I told her what was happening. Not one of my finest moments. I was also in that mall because I was gonna beg him to meet me and go home with him so I can continue to beg him for everything.
followed him home on days I was begging him to take me back. NEVER a good idea to travel to Bicutan and then go home to an empty apartment on a 200 pesos cab ride, rejected after all the pleas that you did. Don't ever do that. Because you're gonna want to kill yourself.
cried in a Dashboard Confessional concert. Like 2 songs in and I was a sobbing mess. Good thing they're gonna come back this March and I will have the chance to redeem myself in front of Chris Carrabba.
not eat a single proper meal 3 days after the whole breakup happened. I think in those three days all I had was iced tea from Wendy's, regular fries from KFC, and a bite of duck. This is stupid because after realizing that he will never come back, I started stuffing myself with Cebu lechon with unlimited rice on the Chic-boy near our office. Kind of the same thing happened when Simple Plan was here, I couldn't eat at all because I was too in love and excited and whatever I ate would come out in liquid grainy form from my rear end so I just decided to not eat because I didn't wan't to lose my shit (literally) in front of David, I was 105lbs when they left. Two weeks later, my friend (who was the one going through the breakup), led me to the demise of my achieved goal weight by eating buy one take one pizzas one night after the other (I ate pizza every single day of a week) and having midnight snacks and food trips all the time. Last time I checked, my weight is back to 112lbs and my food baby is back in action grumbling for more. Remember when I tweeted "I miss the diarrhea that you came with."? Yeah, I was talking about David. Because he took my super hot 105-pound body with him when he rode that plane to Malaysia and left me with a fatty!
got wasted at least 4 times a week. That was my drunken phase that I think I'm over for good now since I have no desire to drink anymore. Not that I strictly won't drink but lately the idea of being drunk and stupid just doesn't appeal to me anymore. I'm a such a mature person.
slept with people I just met. Something I can't imagine happening now unless you're really hot and an established musician in French Canada.
wished for something bad to happen to me. I don't know if this counts since I didn't really do anything, I just thought of it. But during the really bad days, I would wake up and seriously wish that I'd get hit by a car so I could be sent to the hospital and take a break from my life JUST TO STOP THE PAIN IN MY HEART! It was totally bad. Like I'm laughing about it now but I can't deny the fact that it REALLY hurt like you wouldn't believe back then and from me! I am not really seen as someone who would throw her life for a boy but those days were just seriously bad (I cannot stress this enough and I'd like to believe that this justifies my stupid actions) and if I could go back to that time and whether I'd go through it again, the person I used to be would say something heroic like, I'm gonna go through the whole ordeal again because hey, what are life experiences for? but NOOO. If I had a choice and there's a path that didn't involve that much pain, I would freaking choose that path and roll myself to it if I had to over and over again til I die.

I think those are the only stupid things I did that time. Though I can't be entirely sure because I was mostly drunk. I think there may even be drugs and gambling involved but then again, I can never really be sure.

So to anyone going through a break-up. Hang in there. Someday you'll get over it and you will become a selfish emotionless robot like me in no time.

I'm just kidding. It's gonna take a while.

At least I'm happy!

Embarrassing photo time.

2012-01-29T16:30:00.003+08:00

This is posted for the sake of showing you how ridiculous it is what happened weeks ago that I still can't really shut up about and you can't stop me EVER FOREVER!

Jhermin gave me this pillow back in 2005 for Christmas and I kept it, slept with it, everyday for more than 3 years until his face started to peel off and I didn't want to touch it anymore for fear of it just self-destructing right before my eyes. Like if you were my roommate before, you would know not to mess with that pillow, I was the only one allowed to touch it and if you drop it, lie on it or whatever thing you do with it, you will immediately be dead to me. I was also wearing a Simple Plan shirt in that picture and I wasn't really sleeping and I took that picture myself and there's a whole set of it. I'M SO EMBARRASSED RIGHT NOW OKAY!

But oh well, it's just AMAZING how I could go from there to this:

go away bouncer, we're having sex here.

Remind me to delete this post just in case he suddenly remembers me and decides to keep in touch and he ends up at this site and OHMYGOD just kill me if he does that.

what people need to know

2012-01-29T16:13:00.002+08:00

guess what I just got.... + a letter to Ampersand.

2012-01-28T13:03:00.001+08:00

A BABY!!!

Look at his elfin ears!

If you haven't been following my life like you should, that's actually my nephew Milo who I realized do look like me in this picture taken with my NEW BABY! Finally got a laptop thanks to a great deal from my friend Jaja. I still feel bad about losing Ampersand since she's still fairly young and functioning like a horse at 3 years old so I'm gonna write this heartfelt letter to my beloved old stolen laptop.

Dear Ampersand,

I'm letting you go now, but it's very hard to. You've been with me through everything and it pains me because you are NOT in better hands because you were taken from me unexpectedly (as in I went to gym, came back and you were gone), you must've struggled to get away from the robber if you had hands and feet because you know how much I loved you and took care of you. If you ever find your way back to me, please know that I will still love you but if you don't, please self-destruct yourself while your new owner is using you and make sure, you explode well so you can blow off the head of that putrid person who is using you right now because you are mine and only mine.

I love you and you will be in my memory.

Fish tikoy.

2012-01-23T01:58:00.000+08:00

When David first saw me, I was in front of the fish tikoy display in Edsa Shangrila so in a way, this fish-shaped delicacy is kind of special to me. We had that moment there. It was an essential part whenever I think back to that time. I don't know, maybe he was really meant to look at the fish tikoy when I caught his eye. Plus Mafe kept on asking us to take pictures of her with it that it started to annoy us ("ano bang meron sa fish tikoy na yan!! Tumigil ka na nga!") so I couldn't really forget about it even if I tried. When I came home from listening to the Katy Perry concert a while ago, I checked the ref and saw it filled with red boxes and when I opened them, I saw this.

The first thing that came to my mind: Aww, fish tikoy!
The second: damn, I wish I had a time machine right now.

Happy Chinese New Year everyone!!

"Hindi ka nya ginalaw, so maybe that means you're special."

2012-01-19T23:41:00.001+08:00

--a very supportive friend.

I love my friends.

Things I'm happy about.

2012-01-18T15:44:00.001+08:00

I'm a big ball of love the past few days and you could probably tell why (see a few posts below) I feel like running to a hill and singing and twirling and GAHHH I'm just so happy!!

There are more things to be happy and giddy about like:

-my friend Lauren's current status in the romance department. Hahahaha. I'm sorry, I have to say it. I feel like she's my daughter and she's going on her first date and all. People better not start playing Butterfly Kisses or I might just cry.

-Brianna's 1st birthday!

-Ella and Cuyeg's wedding.

-my mother calling me David all the time and going "hmp, may David ka na kasi." when I'm being mean to her.

-it's January!

-it will soon be March and I will finally be able to support my friend Jhermin the way she supported me during the whole Simple Plan situation.

-saying "sana sila na magkatuluyan at never na silang maghiwalay ever." and meaning it completely free of bitterness.

-things going together.

What are you happy about? I just wanna throw confetti at everyone.

I wonder how many years I'm gonna stay single again.

2012-01-15T21:45:00.001+08:00

Hangover city.

Enchanted night part deux

2012-01-15T18:16:00.000+08:00

Sound check party day.

The whole idea of a soundcheck party, it isn't really a party. When I told this story to my brother, he asked, "ano yun nagiinuman kayo?" NO. I WISH. It was just a few fans around 50 or less would get the chance to watch them do their soundcheck and they'd come to the crowd and have pictures with each of us. It was an amazing event!

Click for more..

Over-quota/Enchanted: the best three days of my entire life

2012-01-15T03:10:00.000+08:00

disclaimer: this story is gonna be crazy and unbelievable because I cannot believe it myself. I have been wondering a lot that maybe I'm just imagining it, maybe I want it SO much that it's all I see and my mind started making this up but my friends reassured me over and over again that it happened. It actually happened. In real life. And sometimes they're even more excited than me because I'm still not convinced it's real. So you just have to have faith in me.

Jan 11, 2011

There I was again tonight, forcing laughter, faking smiles
Same old, tired, lonely place

This wasn't part of the plan. Usually, we'd just be nailing it on the concert night itself. After the last song, we'd sprint outside the venue, hail a cab and rush to their hotel and wait for them. But at the last minute I told myself, I'd be waiting for them when they arrive from the airport. It's going to be lame and creepy but I have to make the most out of their stay here.

I was BBM-ing my friend who fetched them from the airport for updates. "Papunta na kami ng hotel." This was when I started to panic like crazy. I was surprisingly calm as the days get closer to Jan 12. I can do this, I told myself time after time.

"Good mood ba sila? Si David kumusta?" I asked. Then my friend said David is not speaking. How typical, I thought. He was the moodiest member of the band and I was expecting this. When they arrive, he might just go straight to his room and not speak to anybody. I was preparing myself for this. "Pioneer na kami," my friend texted. We put ourselves in a spot away from the other fans (who were also our friends) who came by to welcome them. Jhermin and Mafe told me the goal of the night is not to have pictures with them. The goal is to have David notice me. I was a bit iffy about this plan because as much as possible, I want the pictures to be over and done with as early as possible so when all else fails, I would have pictures. But I trusted them with this. I was a mess. My heart pounded against my chest when the big black coaster pulled outside the lobby. People started gathering by the door. I stood still on where I am even though I want to just run outside and hug David the moment he steps out of the car.

Your eyes whispered, "Have we met?"

across the room, your silhouette
Starts to make its way to me

They started to come out and I didn't want to look. I don't know the order of who passed by me first but Jeff and David walked together. I wasn't breathing when they were coming my way. Jeff looked at me and whispered something to David and then he looked at me. And for some reason unknown to mankind, it may be my shoes, my legs, my tattoo (this is the most legit reason) or Mafe's theory that he recognized me from Twitter because she keeps on tagging me when she tweets David, whatever the reason may be, he stopped and talked to me.

All three of us where in comatose when Mafe went, "She loves you, she loves you!"

he smiled, "yeah?" and looked at me for confirmation.
yeah
and then he spread his arms not even 10 seconds after having laid eyes on each other. And then this happened.

Click for more..

My 15-year old self would time travel to the present and shake my hand and present me a plaque of recognition for the things that happened tonight if she could.

2012-01-12T01:07:00.001+08:00

Too many things that are too surreal to mention. If you were there, you would understand. This night just went by so well that I'm still convinced I'm dreaming and that I'll wake up anytime soon.

But here's one thing I could say, it pains my heart to wash my face and wash away the spot where your lips had been.

My god, I sound like Stephenie Meyer! This is what happens when you read Breaking Dawn to distract you from the insane excitement you will feel otherwise.

Another epic fangirling post coming real soon.

Problems I like to have

2012-01-06T15:56:00.001+08:00

(Somewhat related to the last post)

Like if I get lucky and end up having unprotected sex with my dream rockstar (hi David, call me) and then I discover that I'm pregnant and I'll be like "but I swore to myself I won't be a parent ever" and then I'll figure out if I'm gonna put it up for adoption then I won't be able to because when it comes out it has his/her father's eyes then I'll cry in the hospital but still worried about the lifetime bills that come with it and then everyone's gonna go "Jill, keep the baby. You could push him/her to do showbiz in the Philippines, it doesn't even have to have talent, it just has to be half white. It's gonna pay for college itself." And I'll be totally in love with my kid and change my whole perception on parenting. I mean, I don't even need for the father of the child to step forward (good if he does though, ROUND 2!) because all I need is this beautiful child in my arms who has his/her father's eyes and I couldn't be happier.

DISCLAIMER: I have clearly lost my mind and will continue to do so the next coming days as I'm just freaking out about everything because the said father of my imaginary child will be coming to town and I still can't decide what shoes to wear!! Someone shoot me with a tranquilizer gun.

The sweetest thing my bestfriend ever told me.

2012-01-05T23:44:00.001+08:00

When Jhermin slept over one night and we were chatting about life till the wee hours of the morning and I told her I'm serious about not wanting to have kids in my whole lifetime and she said "aww, I was relying on you to have cute babies pa naman.." cute babies she's gonna play with since she's also convinced her ovaries aren't working hence also maybe deciding not to have kids ever.

It could mean she thinks I'm pretty (I mean, what are friends for right?) or that she knows I only, EXCLUSIVELY date cute guys. And we kinda have the same taste in men looks-wise.

Either or, it's still sweet.

2012 is gonna be an adventure. I cannot wait to spend another Best Year Ever with her.

my face cracked a smile when JGL started singing.

2012-01-02T23:59:00.000+08:00

You could tell how in love JGL is. As much as I want to strangle Zooey for friendzoning him, I'm happy because that means I could still audition for his heart.

possibly the most upsetting thing about having my laptop stolen

2011-12-24T00:07:00.000+08:00

There's this "novel" I've been writing since early college that is so dearly important to me and every time I'm bored, I go over it and read it and feel good about how GREAT of a writer I am because I came up with such an awesome story about a girl who tours with bands and people love her because she's fun and she used to do drugs and stuff like that.

It's basically a rip-off of Almost Famous only I replaced the characters with people I want to have sex with. I think it has the possibility of being the next Twilight. It's just as bad and horrible. HOWEVER, it still makes me happy and it's really just meant to be read by me and I was SO proud of that story because it's more or less (try exactly) how I want my life to be.

So you could just imagine how upset I am when my laptop was stolen, I AM NEVER GOING TO READ MY WONDERFUL NOVEL AGAIN. My brother made a back up of my files before and I panicked when I saw the folder "Jill Files" in his hard drive and fought him off to erase the document because I was so paranoid that he would read it. So now I'm crying because I cannot start that from scratch anymore. My whole teenage charm and young soul was gone and if I ever were to write it again, it wouldn't be as good. (HAHA)

ANYWAY, flash forward to the good news! I'm so happy I could cry right now. I found this old 80gb hard drive (old as in it's as huge as notebook and needs its own power supply. I bought it from Jhermin back for when we had our first video assignment in VIDPROD). This was the hard drive I used to transfer my precious files from my old piece of block laptop to my then shiny prettyful Macbook (that is now in the hands of putrid souled people. I checked the files and THE FILE WAS THERE!! AND IT WAS FINISHED! All I need to do now is edit it a bit since I changed a few characters and added a few chapters and it's whole again.

This is probably quite boring for you guys but I'm just so happy that I don't have to start from scratch on my files.

My .gif folder on the other hand. I will have to spend maybe a a few months on Tumblr and Livejournal before I could replenish it again.

BUT I'M SO HAPPEH!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

last night was 3rd night crying myself to sleep.

2011-12-22T00:27:00.000+08:00

I dared to ask about our dog who I haven't seen a lot recently and I kind of had a hitch that something bad happened to him because he's never around anymore. My parents told me he was dognapped and our help said he was kinatay which just about broke my heart to tiny million pieces.

Later that night at around 3am when all my thoughts go straight to everything bad, I started thinking about our dog and started crying while lying beside my mother. Everything is just piling up and it's like telling me, "Jill, we are not gonna let you move on from this. We're just going to fuck everything up." I know everything else in the country is devastating what with all the storm victims (and on Christmas!) but I'm just really upset with everything that is happening to me. I just want this year to be over already so I can watch the Simple Plan concert and be a happy kid again.

Dad was asking me during dinner a while ago while I was contemplating whether or not I will stay in the apartment tonight because I cannot for the life of me sleep peacefully in my parent's bedroom even after I took a pill (though it kind of worked since I calmed down a bit after). Kaya mo na bang matulog magisa? Baka umiyak ka nanaman. Bat ka ba umiiyak?

Well, dad, our dog who cheered me up whenever I go home here is now butchered and eaten by drug addicts. And he was such a good dog!! The best one in the neighborhood and now he's gone! I cry whenever I read online stories of strangers about their dogs, how do you expect me not to mourn and sob like a baby knowing that our dog was killed?

yun ngang mag baka, baboy sa Iligan namatay, tignan mo yun..

well, dad, I don't have any personal attachments to those animals but thanks for bringing that up as well.

OH MY GOD YOU'VE BEEN ROBBED!

2011-12-18T12:01:00.000+08:00

The initial shock has worn off quite a bit and surprisingly, I had only a few crying fits afterwards: first when I discovered they also got my back up hard drive then a few hours later when I realized the same thing and my brother (who also lost a laptop, 2 watches, 2 ancient cellphones and a gold necklace) was hugging me and going let it go, let it go... That hard drive is the only strand of hope I got left for my files to be retrieved and now it's gone. FOREVER. What did I ever do to you, robber? WHAT. DID. I. EVER. DO. TO YOU??

My parents have been super nice and supportive about it all; my dad keeps on joking how the robbers must've felt they won a jackpot when they broke into our house and saw all the valuables just laying on our beds without even having to move a furniture or rummaging about the underwear drawer. They were just THERE. My mom was very sweet, hugging me immediately after I opened the door for them with the saddest look on my face. Whenever I moan in the painful memory of my laptop and beloved DSLR with the freaking expensive lens (both of which I named, Ampersand and Delilah respectively), she strokes my arm and tells me we're just going to buy new ones. Which is good but IS NOT the point. what am I going to do with a new laptop when all my files have been eliminated by the evil robber person and my cutie cute cute pink hard drive is now in the hands of probably an equally maarte girl who loves pink? Who ever owns my hard drive now, you do not deserve to be in the presence of my hard drive okay!

Just thinking of all the hard-earned files and pictures and everything that I had stored there sends me into a convulsing fetal-positioned mess in a dark corner of a room. Heck, the fan fictions (which I think I feel most badly about) that I started writing even before I was in college, revised over the years is GONE! I hope whoever stole it from my room has a little hint of humanity left in him/her and send me back my hard-drive because so help me, I have just made a binding agreement with the universe and we have agreed that you are going down!!

Good things that could come out of this whole experience:

I could focus on doing other things like reading books, knitting, etc.
I'll probably have some new stuff
my mother will forever feel sorry for me (which maybe should go to the other list because her blood pressure shot up that night we got robbed because she was so stressed. SEE WHAT YOU ARE CAUSING MY FAMILY??)

Bad things that could come out of this whole experience:

it might send me into mental insanity
I'll spend more time online trying to get all the files I might have acquired before.
me going to jail for possible murder
me getting killed because my face is plastered all over my desktop (for whatever reason they might want to kill me because of it)

I don't know. This sucks so much, guys. I need cheering up. You know how I attached I can be with material things (I give them names!) and now after years and years of being together, they're just swept off me unexpectedly and now I don't know if I'm supposed to let it go or fight for it. This is breakup with a boyfriend all over again only I'm eating loads of food instead of starving myself to death. Anyway, I'm just gonna go stay at my parents' house for the meantime because I can't sleep in my bedroom because I'm so scared the robbers are still there and I'd feel so sad if I suddenly wake up and see that Ampersand is no longer beside me.

HUG ME!!!

ps. thanks Mafe for letting me use your laptop while you're sleeping. I'm still so sad. Banana sad.

It's christmas time so I guess a sad sad sad boohoo post is in order.

2011-12-16T20:47:00.001+08:00

How sad is it that I've become used to people treat me like crap that I don't even feel bad about it anymore?

People only like me when they need me. Like when they want to be around someone who is more or less as miserable as them so they could feel better about themselves then ignore me again when they feel better. I guess I'm that kind of friend.

What about me? What about when I feel bad?

Currently watching: Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion

2011-12-15T01:34:00.001+08:00

Toby: since you never got to in high school, I was wondering if you could sign my year book. And please don't tell me to fuck off because it really hurts my feelings.
Heather: I hurt your feelings?
Toby: yeah, all the time.
Heather: TREMENDOUS! That's tremendous. Go get your stupid yearbook I would be happy to sign it.

I think this will be my new/old Mean Girls.

one reason why I might consider a boyfriend.

2011-12-12T01:51:00.001+08:00

So he could do my makeup and we could make cute videos like this!! Jim Chapman, marry me!

I prepared refreshments.

2011-12-11T23:49:00.001+08:00

MUST WATCH.

2011-12-11T13:29:00.000+08:00

confession time

2011-12-11T02:14:00.001+08:00

The past few months, I've been hinting that I was taking a course on something but wasn't really specifying what for. Well, after many many months of bumming around trying to figure out what to do with my life-- I quit my job at sales (for good, forever and ever!), I have no idea what to do with my communication arts degree because I just wasn't into the whole production thing so that's already null and void, after a few failed and accomplished job applications here and there, taking a job and then calling them in a panic saying I'm not going there bitches! I looked back to my college days and tried to remember which parts I really excelled in. The one thing I could say I'm really good at was camera handling. It wasn't even cinematography or anything, it's just camera handling. So basically, if I wanted to pursue the whole degree thing, I'm going to end up being a cameraman. And I thought, no way I'm going to be a cameraman because I'm really pretty (I hate the word chos but oh well, CHOS!) so I went back to the draft board of my life. There must be something in me that made me good at camera handling. Answer: steady hands. Then I thought, what else can I do with my steady hands? Answer: applying makeup!

I've been putting on make-up since high school (very badly) and I walked around angrily in school with smudged eyeliner, convincing classmates that I just look that tough. And in freshman years, I had this panda-eyes stage

The pink eye liner stage..

(look at how xxxhardcoretuff I look. ps. I'm sorry Jhermin for dragging you into this shameful post)

ANYWAY, all I'm saying is I've been that girly person who loves cosmetics since the beginning of time. Friends have also asked me to do their makeup since then and I've been told I'm fairly good at it (you be the judge with the pictures above). Like if they want the perfectly done cat-eye, they'd come to me. And you can't do a cat-eye if you don't have steady hands! So there you go. After months and months of procrastinating, ignoring the snide comments from my father (who thinks this is just another one of my impulse moves and I'll grow tired of it afterwards) and figuring out if I should work for funds first or splurge the tiny savings I have for beauty school then start my "career" from there.

So long story short, this is what I've been doing the past couple of months: beauty school. We had our final class last week and I can now officially say that I am done with it and I'm ready to work because I no longer have any excuse to drag the whole useless deadbeat person thing. It's a bit bittersweet ending the class because I actually enjoyed the whole thing and felt like I was doing really good in school and I didn't feel lost for the first time in my life. I think I even aced the written exams which was never my thing because I used to stare blankly at my test papers back in college and looking around me for someone who is as lost as I am so we can share a look that says "you are not alone".

I don't even know what's the point of this. I guess I'm saying, I'm now a makeup artist and YOU should hire me! Rates goes the cheaper you pay me, the more likely I will destroy your face. Yay!

I'm kidding!

maybe.

Wat.

2011-12-09T19:41:00.000+08:00

When you suddenly appeared beside me on the bus on the way to some province or something and we became friends and talked and you made that dirty joke and I made a dirty joke like nothing happened. When we held hands in the market while we walked but not the fingers laced kind, the hands cupped kind and it was nice and I wasn't expecting anything from you and you were sweet and I just wanted to kiss you but I know it would be a bad idea so I didn't. When we talked about what went wrong and how you told me everything that was wrong about me and how she's so much more educated than me and I got pissed and walked away. When I hid in the bathroom with no intention of seeing you again while I could hear you calling me from outside looking for me because you didn't want it to end that way. When I looked at the bathroom window and told myself, "there is NO way my butt is gonna fit in that small thing" but I tried and I slipped effortlessly and landed in the middle of nowhere. When I had everything in me wanting to get away and run from you and I knew you were looking for me and I didn't know what I want. When I got in the bus home, in the three-seater, the girl in the middle went down and it was me and another boy. When it turned out to be you and I was thinking wow, this is destiny but then you were suddenly... Leonardo DiCaprio.

This was what I woke up to this morning. It was bittersweet parting with that dream. But was a bit WTF. Like 99.9% of dreams are.

because I'm hungry... My favorite sandwiches!

2011-12-05T00:13:00.001+08:00

also, I like torturing myself.

In no particular order (though I like some sandwiches better than the other). These are the sandwiches I could eat forever (in rotation of course). I really, really wish someone would put up a good sandwich place here in Manila (again, Sandwich Guy doesn't cut it for me) because SANDWICHES ARE JUST TOO GOOD! You have your bread, your meat, some veggies and an array of texture in a food you can eat in one hand, while walking!

1. Coffee Bean chipotle grilled chicken sandwich - Every time this comes to the table, I want to shove it all in my face but when I do, I cry when it's all over. When I finish halfway through, I make a sad face and go, "paubos na huhuhuhu" but eat it anyway because it's really good. I think I can eat 2 of this in one sitting and the salad that comes with it isn't bad either.

2. Oliver's basil chicken - Oliver's is a special place for me because this is where we ate after the meet and greet thingy for Blue in Megamall and we were so hungry because of waiting in line all day that I didn't care that it was too expensive for my high school budget. I also ended up belching like a monster around elderly diners, it was embarrassing. Anyway the basil chicken is one of their cheap-ish sandwiches and it's really good and filling and it's different from the your usual mayo-based chicken salad sandwich.

3. Rustan's deli sub. This is what I always crave for after the gym because it's on my way home after. There's nothing like finishing a workout and stuffing my face with a huge tasty sub and go home and lie down and rub my belly after.

4. Mary Grace Shrimp on batard bread - it comes with the potato chips with the yummy dip and I don't know the dressing they put in the sandwich itself ut it's tangy and rich and UGHH SO GOOD! Mary Grace can't do wrong in my book. My family is usually iffy about pasta/pastry/delicacy restaurants because they're usually overpriced and overrated but we seem to always eat at Mary Grace when we get the chance. Also, my dad doesn't mind eating there and he usually hates everything! The thing I don't like about it is it's a little small and I'm always left unsatisfied if I order just that so split a lemon scampi with someone and also order a cheesecake for yourself and don't share!

if you have favorite sandwiches please do share because I love eating new stuff. I love eating, period.

my single thought every evening before I sleep.

2011-12-01T00:14:00.001+08:00

10 lasts

2011-11-30T23:59:00.001+08:00

Last
movie you watched Breaking Dawn
song you heard Say Anything - Surgically Removing the Tracking Device
beverage you drank a sip of coffee
thing you ate the new smores thingy from Starbucks (it sucks, I make way better smores using candle fire than those bitches)
text you received Mafe
time you cried the other night while I was rewatching season 6 of HIMYM, episodes where Marshall's dad died
time you laughed out loud a while ago. Because babies are funny.
item you bought with my mother's money: triple decker cheesecake and smores for Milo's 4th "monthsary". That kid gets everything.
person you kissed my nephew. He has the best lips.
last book you read I'm With The Band by Pamela Des Barres (still not finished since I never finish books nowadays)

braceface

2011-11-30T23:02:00.001+08:00

This year, the braces will come off hopefully and I will finally smile like a normal person. How awful would my face be if I smiled like that without braces on? That will be like as if teeth has taken over my face.

(my background is so jologs, may Maxi-peel pa)

A few weeks ago was just the bad part. Now is the getting better but still dealing with it part. The good part will come soon. And the great part will come after that. I'm going to hold on. It's just around the corner.

2011-11-28T02:30:00.001+08:00

--From an old blog post last year.

Today is the good part. I've reached it. Thank you universe for not letting me go.

"would you be my boyfriend for five minutes?"

2011-11-28T01:56:00.001+08:00

My mind was in a weird blur because of the dream I woke up from this morning. In that dream, I was caught in some Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist moment (which actually also happened in real life, which I'm also REALLY embarrassed about and won't ever tell about ever again anymore). I asked my high school crush/kaservice/almost sweetheart/the one who got away to pretend to be my boyfriend because I was hiding from someone and it's just a clusterfuck of characters that I cannot mention here for the public to see but they are there.

What that dream made me realize: I miss scheming! The whole game and being evil and coming up with scenarios and celebrating the success of it. It's fun. Now if only I were interested enough with anyone, I'd be like asking friends to talk loudly about how great I am in bed or what not (NO).

So far the only object of my attraction is the slightly cute gym instructor in the gym I go to who looks like someone I slept with. And I'm really just content with silently taking peeks at his activities through the mirrors while I do my turn on the elliptical and send BBMs to Mafe about how good he smells and how I felt a slight tingle when he touched me on the leg (when I asked which muscle the machine I was using was for---so far that's the only chansing I've managed).

I wish I'd be caught in that kind of moment again where I will text a person I wouldn't imagine myself ever texting at that kind of pickle I'm caught in and he'll come to the rescue and it's gonna be a cute story I will tell on my blog.

I'm feeling so much second hand embarrassment for myself right now. Thanks.

Penguins!!!

2011-11-20T01:54:00.001+08:00

I love how in the last picture, they're like that's right bitches, we rule this town.

I need my hair to be the 6th one.

2011-11-19T23:59:00.001+08:00

Biotin everyday, everyday okay.

wow, this place is a ghost town..

2011-11-12T22:05:00.001+08:00

I don't feel like posting here the past few weeks because I've been a bit busy with my classes plus, I hardly go home where there's decent internet access because I finally started going to the gym so weekends are preferably spent on the elliptical.

If and when I start to really get my life together, I will post pictures more religiously here and maybe on that other blog too.

Milo, the wide-eyed boy

2011-10-31T22:51:00.001+08:00

last saturday, we celebrated Milo's "dedication". I guess, in Catholic terms, you'd call that baptism but there was no splashing of waters or a baby boy wearing a white dress. My brother and his wife aren't catholics so this is what they did.

mom making Milo cry, as usual. (although that's typically my job)

big burly ninong

lolo, the original Milo.

while you pray for me, I'm just gonna suck on my fist.

The new family

tito and tatay

Dico doing Milo's signature anxiety face. Seriously, that boy always looks worried.

with the pastor (?) (look at his baby t-rex hands!)

Familyyy

kahit magka-apo ka pa, alam ko namang ako ang favorite mo forever.

favorite parents since the beginning of time.

his face only revolves around that one. May variation lang sa kunot ng noo. He's always busangot. That's definitely the Cruz in him for sure.

Food conversations with my brother.

2011-10-28T03:38:00.001+08:00

Me: did you bring food?
Dico: no.
Me: what food?
Dico: I said no.
Me: (silence) What food?

my favorite.

2011-10-25T00:52:00.000+08:00

I remember when we first kissedHow I didn't wanna leave your lips
-Summer Paradise, Simple Plan

I've been mentally pirouetting all over the place recently because of the fact that they will be coming back for the third time to the Philippines! The last time I saw them was back in 2008 and I've suffered from separation anxiety since then. Fangirls know this. The moment your favorite band leaves the country, you will have this hole punched in your chest (yes, like Bella). Months and months of preparation and anticipation over and you have to wait 3-4 years till they come back, IF they come back. And at that moment 3-4 years seemed like an eternity. UNTIL 3-4 years is suddenly over and it's here. They're coming back and it's just amazing. January 12 seems so far away but I know the months will just whizz along and my precious will be taken away from me again.

I'm really looking forward to it. GAHHHH!!

Flashback: July 23 2009

2011-10-19T00:21:00.000+08:00

When you want to say something to someone, you tell her. Saying "you're wrong, you're weird, that's not right." to something she said won't get the message across.

If she tells you, "you don't want me" and it's not true, tell her you want her because that's all she's waiting to hear -- those words coming out of your mouth on its own, as if it's not a reply to something. Just independent words you tell her for the sole reason that it's the truth and nothing else.

**Going through some old diary and wanting to kick my own face if it's possible because I was so stupid and pathetic and really stupid. July 27 was even better but it's too R-18 so I'm keeping it to myself! (Maybe)

This might be the last thing that people expect me to say right now given how much I've expressed my hate towards relationships.

2011-10-16T01:52:00.001+08:00

But I just want to be married and live in a cute house now!

Like be a bit domesticated, yell at my husband every once in a while, make breakfast together and take care of animals. I want that. But I want to skip to that. I don't want to go through the meeting him, getting to know each other, dating, the mind games, the playing hard to get. I just want to travel to the time where I'm already with this wonderful person in a cute house, singing together on a sunday mornings, having home-cooked dinner at nights and be like totally in love with each other it would be disgusting, like people would hate us because we look too good together. It's gonna be so lovely and amazing.

I've been looking up Sherri and Max Bemis too much at such a goddamn hour.

this is where a lot of fanfictions are set.

2011-10-15T20:44:00.003+08:00

source

this says so much about me.

2011-10-15T03:03:00.001+08:00

it's getting there...

2011-10-13T23:52:00.002+08:00

#foreverboringyouwithstatusofmyhair

also #letspretendmyscarsarefrecklesplease

3 drops and more to come

2011-10-07T01:45:00.001+08:00

I'm in Malabon with no laptop, no iPod and no books to entertain me because I suddenly decided to stay home because I'm having some sort of anxiety again because of god knows what. I guess it started when my mom came to pick me up for dinner and she went off on me about not cleaning the gross bathroom. Bathroom issues upset me, you have no idea. I literally had a melt down when my brother once left the floor wet after I had cleaned it. I feel like a maid in "my" place and I don't even live there that often. I'd clean the bathroom because it gets really gross (see: big brother who lives don't know how to keep a bathroom clean and manages to make it grosser), stay there a couple of days, stay at my parents' house for a while, and go back to my place and find the bathroom dingy and mouldy and all. It enrages me because I cleaned it and I don't even use it and I go back and find it filthy but then I'd be so grossed out, I have no choice but to clean it again. Then my mother goes off scolding me how I don't clean the bathroom as if it's my responsibility! And we got into this minor verbal war and it just put me in such a shitty mood the rest of the night. My mom noticed how crabby I was being during dinner so she suggested I stay with them and we'll visit my nephew so it will cheer me up. I don't know what's wrong though. It's like I'm constantly worrying about something and now I don't even know what I'm worrying about exactly. My moods have been quite well recently but tonight was just me being stressed about something, thinking about something, worrying about the things people say about me and then before I know it, it's crying in the backseat again like I'm some dramatic loser star.
I consider this as my safe place. Whenever I'm here, I feel like I could put all my worries in the corner and let my parents deal with them for a while. But I can't possibly stay like this forever. And then I start worrying about not worrying enough and worrying about getting used to not worrying when there is something to worry about!!

I really want to see someone about this but that's gonna be another thing. Oh look at Jill, our daughter, our sister, totally useless, can't get a job, lives off us and as if that's not enough, she expects us to pay for her shrink because she's also crazy. What a burden.

This outfit looked better back in 2008.

2011-10-06T18:02:00.001+08:00

This outfit looked better back in 2008., a photo by Jillilah on Flickr.

I think I wore it around 10 times that year. That year was gooooood.

I gots a new crush! The kind of crush that makes me want to have a boyfriend again (maybe)

2011-10-02T03:57:00.002+08:00

I'm a huge fan of Pixiwoo on Youtube because they make no non-sense and highly skilled make-up videos and I recently discovered their hot, totally my type of guy brother. I like his face, his personality, his whole physique (he's lanky and 6'3). Watch the video and you'd be convinced that we're meant to be together forever but he has a girlfriend and he's so adorable to her it hurts so I'm not gonna touch that. And did I mention he has a twin? But he looks completely different but like, equally adorable and hot. ANDDDD they're British!!

He's like a taller, british Seth Cohen and I just wanna smoosh him between my hands! When am I gonna meet someone like you!! WHEN!! I want a mumbling, just-the-right-amount-of-awkward kind of guy boyfriend NAOOO.

why I wouldn't have that whole big programmed event for any occasion of my life.

2011-10-02T01:43:00.002+08:00

you are obliged to invite everyone you know to avoid any awkward encounters where you run into them and be like hey, I was married last week and you weren't invited, sorry..
and you have to pay for food for these people that you don't know! Like your mom and dad or basically every member of the immediate family are going to invite people and then the people they'll invite will bring more strange people and I'll be just like, who the fuck are you and why are you eating my food?
people will just go because of the FREE FOOD!!
people cannot be bothered with whatever program was prepared because they'd be too busy eating or hogging the photobooth outside.
only a select few will get the inside joke and you have the rest of the hall of people not laughing at the person giving the speech about the guest of honor because they no idea what the fuck is going on. Seriously, if you don't know the inside jokes, you don't deserve to be there.
you get to be the last to eat! People have to have pictures taken with you first before you get to eat the massive feast that you paid for.
and people waste so much food.
and you have to entertain people and be like oh hey, how are you to everybody which just really isn't my thing.
I'd be so depressed if I went through all the trouble of throwing a party like that and then it's over and you have to clean up. Like serious post-party depression.

We attended a wedding last friday and while it was a beautiful grand wedding and all, I just didn't see myself getting married in front of a bunch of strangers who mean nothing to me. We did have fun though and the food was great! But isn't it strange when the buffet seem so great only before and the day after you go to it? Like you enter the hall and you see this row of really delicious food and your mouth starts to water (I think I actually started dancing when I saw the buffet) and then you get there and you take what you could get and then when you're eating it, it's good but then you can't get yourself to stuff your face with the food like you expected to because it's so overwhelming? And then you get home when everything's over, you think about the buffet again and crave for that motherfucking norwegian salmon and shrimp with the lemon butter all over again. Like, WHY DIDN'T I WANT IT THIS MUCH WHEN I WAS THERE?? It's annoying but I think buffets are actually programmed to work like that so you get so overwhelmed, you don't come back for your second helping anymore. Darn clever bastard caterers.

Anyway for me, significant events will just be with people that truly matters to me. My immediate family and my close friends. I'm actually glad I didn't ask my parents for a grand debutant ball for my 18th birthday because it would just be so pointless (though, the planning and conceptualizing part would be kind of fun). If I were ever to get married, I'd have a judge marry us (or a friend who's ordained online or Joey Tribianni himself) and have like 1 witness each. Maybe my parents if my mom promises to behave herself. Then reception would be in some nice restaurant with really good food, beer, cocktails, finger foods, seafood with butterrrrr, grilled stuff, outing food, basta stuff you should eat with your hands; 4 tables max, 1 table for my family, 1 table for his, 1 table for my friends (good thing I have very few friends and all of them sort of already know each other), 1 table for his. No tag-alongs, no rowdy kids, no friends of the pet of the 2nd cousin of the sibling of the father of the groom.

But pets are allowed.

God just thinking about it got me excited with eating all the food! I'm thinking each table gets their own set of the menu so no lines at the buffet table, just dig in and it's every man for himself.

This actually looks really promising.

2011-09-30T02:37:00.002+08:00

Oskar seems too normal though? But I kind of expected that as I can't imagine his character being played by an actor in a movie. It just wouldn't do. I think the only person who could play Oskar is Oskar himself, if he did exist. Watching the trailer is already making me tear up. Maybe I should stop reading Sloppy First and re-read Extremely Loud? But I don't want to be depressed. I'm too vulnerable to yet read the book again!

Casualties.

2011-09-29T00:30:00.003+08:00

I was eating and I suddenly remembered two particular nights. The first one was when we met Brandon Boyd and the night Ale told me about another friend (I can't disclose her name for identity protection) who was fooling around with a guy who was in a messy relationship (they're married) and how Ale was encouraging her to stop it because she doesn't feel comfortable about it seeing as she has a family and is like, pseudo married. What if someone did it to her? What if someone messed with the family she's building?

The night we met Incubus, there were two girls who went to bathroom as the guys went out and and took pictures with us all and they never got to meet them. We called them "casualties". The next few stalking nights after that, nobody wants to go to the bathroom for the fear of being a casualty. The one who is sacrificed to fate so the rest would be blessed with abundance. Kinda like a lamb.

I remember telling Ale that at least once in my life, I want to be involved in an affair with a married man. This is with the conscious mindset that another person will get hurt.

But I realized my plans aren't purely evil. I mean, for sure casualties aren't exclusive to nights at the hotel waiting for the vocalist to appear somewhere. In real life, maybe some people are meant to be hurt to make way for the happiness of others. Like here, take this person, rip her heart to shreds so the boy who divorced her could come out of the closet and marry the guy he's been in love with all this while since same-sex marriage is finally legalized. Or take this dog, give him cancer so when he dies and after his owners grieve, they will go to shelter and get the dog next in line to be put down.

It kinda makes you feel less bad about getting hurt. Maybe. I mean, if the dog hadn't gotten cancer, the other dog would be put down and that is just sad(der). But I'd really be broken if my dog had cancer. Dogs shouldn't have cancer!

Anyway, I still won't be going to the bathroom anytime soon. Dude, no. Brandon Boyd is on the line!

more or less why I smoke from time to time

2011-09-28T15:34:00.000+08:00

Pro: The perfect prop if you ever need to seem tragic, but sexy. (Which, honestly, maybe you should try a little more often.)

from Pros and Cons of Smoking (excluding all health risks) at The Hairpin

exactly what I was saying.

2011-09-27T01:38:00.001+08:00

I'm just a generally crappy person.

2011-09-26T02:55:00.001+08:00

I hate humanity. Simple as that.

Little things that normal people do, it pisses me off. Or it annoys me and then I'd cross someone off my tolerable list until my tolerable list ends up with like, 5 people on it tops. I even dislike my own friends sometimes. I'm a bad person. I think the only person I could tolerate full time is my mom (who bugs me most of the time) and Jhermin (who will leave me forever in the near future unless I do something to sabotage her departure).

Anyway, here are stuff I don't like people doing. Now if you qualify here, it doesn't mean that I hate you per se but these are the kind of things that irk me and make me not want to hang out with you or something like that. Don't take it personally because I'm the bad person here hating people for their innocent habits.

People with underbites. They just weird me out okay! I feel like people with underbites will do something bad to me. Okay, that's over with. I'm sorry. It's just my thing. I've had bad experiences with people with underbites.

When people have boyfriends and they complain about it on Twitter and in life in general. Or just people with boyfriends, period. Because then they will have problems and I have to listen to it to be considered a good friend when I just want to talk about everything else other than boys. Like complain about your job, your parents, I'll even lead your pity parade just please! Let's not talk about boys for a second!

When people RT everything on Twitter. Especially inspirational quotes, love quotes etc. To me it's the equivalent of receiving mass messaged quotes on my phone and god knows how annoying that is! I like RTing myself but only funny/sarcastic/funny in a miserable way tweets so if you RT that, you're good in my book.

People who are too "inspired" and motivational speaker-y. I was talking to Sara the other night how most inspirational quotes make me roll my eyes. There's nothing new. Everything I read online is just some corny ass line that you put in a slumbook back in grade school. Religious people annoy me less and I'm not even a believer!

People who are suddenly obsessed with Adele. Okay, she deserves every recognition in the world because she's an uber talented person but people who just PROCLAIM how they listen to Adele every time is very weird for me.

People who think they're too "weird" and "random" and therefore "quirky" for doing normal stuff (see: special snowflake syndrome). I don't know. I guess I have high standards of weirdness (not saying I am weird) and if you don't work in a carni because you ran away from your parents, then you are NOT weird! Reading books til you the break of dawn doesn't make you weird or special, it means you're bored and have a fucked up body clock and the book you're reading might be crazy good or something. Breaking out into a song in the middle of nowhere doesn't make you weird either. A lot of people do that. Characters in movies do that. Stop filling the world in with your quirks.

People who constantly talk in Tumblr/general cool internet linggo speak especially when it doesn't even apply! GPOY. THIS. LIKE A BOSS. I REGRET NOTHING.

Here's my guideline:
GPOY is used when a picture is relevant to what you are feeling right now or it's your actual picture and you're posting it because you think you're pretty in it or whatever.
LIKE A BOSS is when you or someone did something supremely awesome or something is done with impeccable badassness e.g. I killed someone using my shuriken skills LIKE A BOSS.
I REGRET NOTHING is when you did something VERY bad/criminally/downright sloth-y and you don't feel guilty about it e.g. I ate 5 slices of pizzas, a hamburger, more pizzas and now I'm lying on the couch rubbing my belly, I REGRET NOTHING. Or: I spent literally the whole day online trying to crack into the private Facebook profile of my crush, I REGRET NOTHING.

If you use those phrases outside of my guide, you just kicked yourself out of my tolerable list.

Potterheads. Seriously, do you have to announce every progress you've made in Pottermore? Like ohmygod, we get it you're super special and you're a wizard, Harry and we're only like typical human being "muggles" that know nothing about anything. Just shut up and remove your wand out of your ass.

I'm thinking there's more but that's off the top of my head right now.
To be fair to everyone, here are stuff I bet people hate about me as well. So people won't think I see myself as perfect because I hate so many things about human beings.

I announce the status of my hunger EVERY TIME. My Twitter timeline is basically just all I'm so hungry wahwahwah. I don't know why I need to tell everyone that I'm hungry but I just do. And I know people could relate because I noticed people are hungrier recently. And I think eating like a pig has become cool in a non-cool way? I don't know.

I can be REALLY pretentious. Like even when I know people won't relate to the stuff I put online, I still put it out there (sometimes) for the sole purpose of making people think I'm quirky and mysterious. Like why would people put inside jokes in public when only 2 people are in the joke? I don't know but it certainly makes me feel special or something. The most recent example I could think of was how excited I was with My So-Called life and I keep on rambling on and on about Jordan Catalano (who deserves it by the way) on Twitter. In my defense, I do that so if ever someone responds to me, BAM! Instant friends! But I don't think it has happened yet so I guess I'll stop that.

I'm that kind of person who will get upset when she sees people (who she doesn't like) liking her unpopular favorite band/song/etc. I'm possessive that way.

I complain about being fat all the time. And I know I'm not even remotely fat in normal people standards but you have standards of fat, I have mine for my body because I know my body and I will stop complaining when I go back to not struggling to get into my skinny jeans. Or when my abdomen flattens again when I lie on my back. I really wanna lose 3 pounds (x4).

As you may have noticed, I am not a pleasurable company as I hate and complain about EVERYTHING but please still love me? Okay?

The New Girl

2011-09-21T00:48:00.000+08:00

I like it.

I wasn't sure about it at first because as much as I love Zooey more than life itself, she HAS to play some other role than the quirky, funny girl with big eyes. I've seen 2 movies of her--Elf and 500 Days of Summer and though her role in Elf is a bit different, her delivery is always the same.

But I'm gonna stick it out since I'm gonna be watching out for the pretty dresses she'll be wearing. And I got teary-eyed towards the end when *spoiler* her roommates all ran to save her because she got stood up. It was an emotional scene. Like dude, this girl is obnoxious but we love her and she's our friend so we have to go to her. It's something.

I need guy friends.

~the more you know~

2011-09-20T22:14:00.003+08:00

Internet is really an awesome place. You learn stuff and some of those stuff are simple but still amazing.

So I was writing the My Issues entry and the last bullet was this:

you're DEAD. I think drowning is one of the worst ways to die.

And I was going to add some female author who killed herself by drowning reference to sound smart so I wrote Sylvia Plath. Then I thought, 'oh no I might be wrong and I'll end up looking like a fool' so I googled her and lo and behold, it wasn't her who drowned herself (it was Virginia Woolf) buttt she DID kill herself only with carbon monoxide poisoning. So I clicked the carbon monoxide poisoning link because I've always found it interesting and it almost killed both my parents (that bastard). Anyway, there's really no amazing new information here. It's just cute that it turned out that way.

You know how there are haunted houses? Turns out, in some cases, the house isn't actually haunted, the tenants are just being carbon monoxide poisoned! Like people would complain of seeing, hearing, feeling stuff and they would leave because they would think the house is haunted and the next family moves in and they experience the same things. The house is just emitting carbon monoxide fumes (due to faulty pipes or whatever) and the people living there are experiencing symptoms like hallucinating, being disoriented etc. I don't know why I found that so amazing but isn't it so exciting? There are less possibilities of houses being haunted by actual ghosts (because that would suck). It's just all in our minds. We're just having carbon monoxide poisoning! Isn't it great?! Imagine all the movies, lifestyle, nightmares that surrounded that whole haunted house thing and it's not true!

I don't know, it excited me somehow.

baby I was born this way

2011-09-20T01:16:00.004+08:00

Scorpios have an excellent memory and combined with an inability to let things go, they can hold a grudge against someone who did them harm forever, in fact a Scorpio rarely if ever, forgives and forgets. They will even go as far as get vengeance on the person.

#whenmyzodiacsignisextremelyaccurate

I also remember when I was in grade school, I had a best friend who I hung with all the time, she dumped me for a more popular girl who only used her for her money anyway. We had this huge fall out and I was so mad because SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND OKAY so I made plans of doing voodoo stuff on her. My weird seatmate knew a little black magic so she suggested some freaky kulam stuff to do to her. The doll was already made and I already had a strand of her hair. I didn't push thru with it because I got over it. And she was already suffering enough from her new best friend so boo her.

Again, do not mess with me.

my issues

2011-09-20T00:27:00.001+08:00

I'm very unsure about my feelings about leaving the country for good (not that I am, but just the idea of it). What will happen to my stuff?
and sure I could have it shipped but the horror stories of people's stuff getting ruined in the cargo? NO THANKS.
and I can't bring fluids? So I have to buy a whole new makeup/skincare routine there?
and they just look through your stuff in the airport
and take whatever they want to take and you can't say anything about it
and flying. This riding the airplane to get to places thing, isn't that like, dangerous?
it's like you're trapped in some tin can and breathing recycled gases. Some of which came out of the same place where shit comes out. And then you're breathing that out and someone else breathes it and it comes back to you over and over again
again, you're trapped. What if something happens? You have nowhere to go.
plus I really hate packing stuff. What if I forget something and I have to live my life without that something until the day I return to the place where that thing is.
and you're always just stuck with the wardrobe you brought with you.
what if you're broke and suddenly got fat and your skinny jeans suddenly don't fit anymore?
and shoes are always a bitch to pack.
and you have to consider socks with your shoes
also, what if you leave something behind the hotel/whatever place you're staying in. That's like regret for your whole lifetime.
this scuba diving thing. Yes, the fishes and corals are really freaking gorgeous but you're wearing a suit that won't protect you from sharks and your source of air is this one can of oxygen.
what if you got a bad tank of oxygen and it goes wonky on you when you're a million feet under sea level (or whatever they call it)
and then you drown and you have to swim as fast as you can to the surface
what if sharks came after you while you're trying to swim for your life?
you're DEAD. I think drowning is one of the worst ways to die.

This is why I stopped being excited about out of country trips.

Lucid dreaming

2011-09-19T16:51:00.002+08:00

It always just end up with sex. Always. It's annoying because I could control my dreams and such which is like, one of the greatest achievements I've done using my brain and all I could come up with is sex. When there is literally unlimited amount of possibilities that I could make happen, I choose sex. Something is very wrong.

ground control to Major Tom

2011-09-19T01:53:00.001+08:00

I've never actually listened to that song ever in my life. People just sing that line all the time and that's how I know it and I know nothing else about it. All these while it was just gibberish to me. I even thought that "Major Tom" meant like, major tomorrow or something. So yes, it's possible to be that stupid and I'm really embarrassed so stop judging me! And then Jhermin told me the other night what that song was about and I was all, great thanks for ruining my night now I'm forever bothered with what happened to Major Tom! Why would they send him alone to space anyway? To SPACE! Like it's not a freaking other country or continent, it's SPACE! And no one else is there and like the only communication you have with Earth is getting cut off! Even if I didn't know the song, the whole idea of it is so freaking sad, it destroyed my mood and I'm just worried for Major Tom okay! SERIOUSLY! Somebody needs to tell he's gonna be okay!

My only consolation now is thinking about that song being sung by Joey Tribbiani.

BUT STILL!

Tagaytay weekend with my forever lover by default

2011-09-18T22:54:00.001+08:00

(walang edit edit dahil tanggap na namin na pangit kami)

We haven't been to "resthouse" in a while and being really spontaneous and shit, we decided to go this weekend since we don't have boyfriends and I don't have a job (really, how miserable is my life?). Not really spontaneous since we planned this like days before we went. Usually, Tagaytay trips would mean vomiting on the balcony, wild drunken nights, pants-less pictures, naked pictures on the bath tub (not mine), and projectile vomiting the next morning (mine). We decided to lay low this time since I haven't been in the mood to get piss drunk recently for the longest time. A bottle of Tanduay Ice for each of us and that's it. We got to talk til 5 in the morning about countless stuff. That's the thing I could count on Jhermin for. Really long-ass conversations that lasts till the wee hours of the morning even when we just saw each other not too long ago.

paano tayo papatulan ni BB kung ganito ang itsura natin?

therefore, we will enroll in a Pilates class soon.

Just you wait, I will be hot (again-ish).

fresh from flight (aka isang karumal dumal na commute from Manila to Tagaytay) at least we're busog. STOP ME FROM MAKING THAT DUCKFACE AGAIN.

the morning after when we finally got to shower. I think this is the most decent we've looked in the whole trip (and that's because you can't see our faces.)

the seemingly photogenic bench. Seemingly.

we got out of the house when my parents started going berserk with the videoke machine. Kahiya!

the clubhouse already has a pool! Next time we get there and we feel we need something else to do other than eat and sleep (which is what we did this whole weekend), MAYBE we'd get in the pool.

We had to get back in the house because of the weird kaliskis noise I was hearing from behind us. Like someone was coming near. I'm not really a ghost person but dude, I don't want to risk it.

one of my oldest girl crushes

2011-09-15T03:00:00.000+08:00

Becky Lou and her equally gorgeous boyfriend Jacob Wick. They're in a band call The Honey Trees and if you like ethereal super gorgeous music, you must listen to them.

why so pretty?

2011-09-15T02:45:00.001+08:00

from Etsy

If I have this, I wouldn't take it off and forever impersonate Elton John the rest of my lifetime. Kaso $98! If only I didn't have issues with buying stuff online, and with a little time since I swore to myself I wouldn't splurge on anything for a while yet. Until I get a decent job.

But this is really gorgeous. :(

So my skin is back to being a mean old bitch again

2011-09-15T02:29:00.000+08:00

(or maybe I started picking on them again. Don't tell anyone.)

So if you see me anywhere in the world, do not talk to me because I will run away for my dear life. Thank you for understanding.

wouldn't it be great if Jesus had a sense of humor?

2011-09-15T02:04:00.000+08:00

every time forever and ever

2011-09-15T01:57:00.000+08:00

if I were to answer that question.

2011-09-13T19:52:00.001+08:00

I wouldn't have reached the marrying point with someone if he has a problem with my religion or lack thereof. So no, I wouldn't change my beliefs. Just as I wouldn't ask him to change his beliefs. Religion shouldn't be a deciding factor whether or not one wants to marry another person.

fat, broken, whore.

2011-09-13T03:55:00.002+08:00

Great. Just when I was feeling pretty bad about myself because I weighed myself a while ago and discovered I gained another 2 pounds. Maybe it was because I was wearing jeans or because I have my period so I'm a little bloated but still!! I know it's my fault because I haven't been eating healthy lately and all I do is lie around all day but it's just frustrating! It never used to be a problem. But I guess I'm getting old and my metabolism is slowing down. This is the heaviest I've been my life. And I know, I know, people who regularly see me will say I look the same but I see myself in constant scrutiny. I see every flaw. Everything that changed. The parts of myself I used to like, I no longer do. Clothes don't fit the same anymore. I just look different. I just wish I could look like I did back in 2007. I was pretty and young and tiny. My calves didn't look as big. My shorts hung loose on my hips. I knew I was pretty. Now I can't feel fucked to go out because I just feel like the most disgusting thing on earth. Outside and inside.

Scents

2011-09-11T23:37:00.001+08:00

There's this one that reminds me when he used to sit really close and asked if I ate Oreos. I didn't. I told him it was my perfume. I thought of how strange it was because Oreos doesn't really smell of anything.

There's this one that reminds me of exactly how stressed I was around one year ago and I bought it to make me feel better but it didn't work.

There's this one that reminds me of the time he showered at my place because he spent the night. He was asking to borrow my very effeminate deodorant. I let him use it and I kept my nose burrowed in him all day because he smelled like me. The next time, I told him I had a manly one that used to be for when my ex slept over. He used it. I didn't try to smell him.

There's this one that reminds me of the times I sat next to him, sometimes lied next to each other or when we're in his car and we talked. I could smell him. Baby powder. At that time, I wondered if I was in love with him because of how strongly he came to my sense of smell. I've mentioned that theory before. How if you could sit next to a person at a normal distance and you could smell him, you might be in love with him. It was weird because I wasn't really attracted to him that way. Not anymore, at least. A few months later, his girlfriend gave birth to their child.

There's this one that reminds me when he put his hand on the small of my back. He only said one word to me that day. I was intensely intoxicated by how he smelled. I keep a little box of that scent by my bedside. When I look at it, sometimes I reach for it and have a whiff. When I do, my lips curl and my eyes close. Intoxicated again. It was the best day ever, after all.

Guess who.

When you find stuff from high school that you still have and love.

2011-09-10T04:52:00.001+08:00

When you find stuff from high school that you still have and love., a photo by Jillilah on Flickr.

I thought I lost this jacket and I was getting antsy just thinking about if I actually lost it or left it somewhere I previously lived. I felt so bad. This was one of the 1st pricier jackets I ever owned. And that was a big thing back then. I remember coming back to the store and touching it every time I pass by. I didn't think I'd ever own it because it was too expensive for me at the time but I don't know what came over my mother and she brought it for me as a pre-graduation gift. It made me feel so Avril Lavigne when I wore it (and she was like my holy mother goddess back then).

It's always too hot to wear this one but we're all gonna be complaining about Christmas weather soon so yay! Avril Lavigne jacket time!

Ps. It wasn't my intention to show off my tattoo (before you call me a douche) but this picture did it pretty well. NOTMYFAULT.

The amount of typos and grammatical errors in my recent posts makes me wanna throw up.

2011-09-10T03:44:00.001+08:00

Please remind me to proof read something first before I post it. I spent college reading a paper over and over again checking for any mistakes before passing it over, I have no idea why I turned into this sloppy, stupid person who everyone hates.

So forgive me but I can never forgive myself. The number of times I disappoint myself is just..UGH. LOOK AT YOUR LIFE, LOOK AT YOUR CHOICES.

I just yelled NOOOOOOOO to the world when I finished watching My So-Called Life.

2011-09-10T03:01:00.000+08:00

How can they end it that way? They can't cut the story right there when it's all starting to get interesting and decide they're not gonna do this anymore. Ever. I mean, how terribly mean is that?!

Someone needs to go back to 1995 and convince Claire Danes to not leave the show after the just one season! Something must be done here, come on!

Ps. Jordan Catalano makes my stomach tingle. I don't blame Angela Chase for being so obsessed with the guy.

I want to disinvent crying.

2011-09-08T04:14:00.000+08:00

to remember our random, joyous temple kisses but not spend the rest of my life waiting for her lips to return

At one point in your life, all it takes is one person to ruin everything. And you have to start you life over. Like being born and raised again except you have to do it on your own.

Video is terribly sad. If you have ever ended a really significant relationship in your life, you would totally know all the sad things going on in this video. It's so very sad.

I'm getting more and more anxious as Friday comes nearer

2011-09-08T03:48:00.001+08:00

I'm pretty sure I will botch up that interview and I will never want to show my face to the world again. I don't even know if I still like that job after realizing how much work I might have to do to keep it. I mean, I don't know if I'm still capable of doing anything after not working at all for months and months.

All these anticipation and anxiety over that job interview will do so well on depressing me if I don't get it.

Actually, scratch that. I won't be depressed because I'm not expecting anything. I'm just trying it out. I have come up with plausible back up plans (not including suicide) in case this doesn't work out.

GAH!!! Someone give me a Xanax before that interview!!

What happened to Patrick Stump?

2011-09-08T03:37:00.002+08:00

He's got this whole hot, smooth musician vibe now. I liked him during From Under the Cork Tree era because he looked so young and adorable but now he looks like he's about to break into some jazz ditty any time soon. Unless that's what he's doing now? I haven't heard any of his recent works. Wait. Does Fall Out Boy even still exists?

my never ending issues with my hair

2011-09-08T01:17:00.001+08:00

I had another haircut the other day. When I strictly told myself not to. Let it be. It's in an awkward growing out stage. It will pass. Don't touch it. But did I listen to myself? OF COURSE NOT. And I don't know if it's me or my hair but I always just end up looking like a soccer mom! I honestly dont know what to do with my hair anymore. I wish it would I hadn't fucked it up when it was still waist length. I shouldn't have had it permed enough I looked like Hagrid and I should've just been a normal girl who curled her hair whenever she wants. My hair was so healthy. WHY DID I DO THIS WHY?? I would've still been hot stuff if I didn't cut my hair. GADEMIT.

If I overdoes of Biotin and die with my Rapunsel locks back, tell the doctors I REGRET NOTHING!

strange people I've encountered in real life

2011-09-07T15:59:00.001+08:00

1. the ex of my ex. She kept texting him before stuff like "my officemates make fun of me when I wear a dress, it makes me uncomfortable" or "why do guys keep on hitting on me when they're drunk?" WHO DOES THAT?? It's so obvious what she wanted to happen and my stupid ex man friend was so oblivious to it he can't even admit it's true.

2. last Incubus show while we were scouting for tickets, I saw this girl dressed in black ensemble leaning on a post by her lonesome reading... Perks of Being a Wallflower! It's like a rebel girl cliche threw up on her.

Anxiety cat makes me feel less alone

2011-09-07T14:12:00.001+08:00

happened twice after getting admitted to companies I applied for. I have an interview this friday and I hope I don't chicken out and tell them some obscure excuse not to take the job (IF I get accepted). I was determined to do well for this interview then I was in a salon yesterday and I read some magazines and I started freaking out inside. How am I gonna do this? People are going to hate me! I will be bullied to death. Can you even handle the stress? All these days before the initial interview. I doubt I'm gonna get the job anyway.

back in high school, I used to order cheese sticks after classes and I kept reminding myself to ask for mayonnaise. When it's my turn, I said, "Ate, mayonnaise."

better run

2011-09-07T03:50:00.001+08:00

Yeah, boy, you better run when the wave starts replying to your messages.

Syota ko.

2011-09-07T03:46:00.001+08:00

Don't know why he settled for such a derp face though. EH BAHALA SYA. Puede naman syang umayaw.

Currently watching: My So-Called Life

2011-09-06T05:08:00.000+08:00

Jordan Catalano is a GOD!

Angela Chase is way mature for her age. I admire how she deals with things. I mean, I'd be extremely DEVASTATED if Jordan and I broke up.

Shannon Leto (who doesn't have name in the show. Also, I keep bursting out laughing whenever he appears) should stop cockblocking Catalano. Let the kids make out, jeez!

holy crap are you even human!

2011-09-06T04:33:00.000+08:00

Speaking of working out, I'm looking into something fun to do. I'm considering yoga and Pilates because I heard it makes your muscles look longer and more tones which I like. Pole looks fun though so I'll also look into it when I actually get tired of lying around the whole day. It looks freaking dangerous though. I'm scared I will hit my head somewhere or one of my joints would snap and poke out of my skin!

I want to learn the move at 00:50 secs on the video! That looks like fun. Maybe I'd also volunteer as a fireman and slide down the pole that way. HEYYY BITCHESS....

currently

2011-09-06T04:24:00.000+08:00

downloading gigabytes and gigabytes of music from eras I wasn't born in, tons of songs that I will never listen to.

My whole being is a huge waste of hard drive space.

Anyway, if anyone is curious I'm downloading whole discographies of:

Morrissey
Nirvana
The Doors
Lou Reed
Massive Attack
Aerosmith
Queen (because this video is awesome so I got curious. And the song is so gay and musical-y, I love it!)

2011-09-06T02:08:00.000+08:00

once I get my life together, I won't be lazy anymore. I'll have no free time. Non-work days will be spent learning something, charity, working out, taking care of my future animal loves etc.

got a probably very important phone call a while ago that I almost ignored.

2011-09-01T01:12:00.001+08:00

I don't want to jinx anything as this might turn out to be something I really want in long terms so I'm not gonna expect much so I won't be disappointed. But I really REALLY wish it works out so I stop feeling worthless.

Bring it.

SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!

2011-08-30T02:29:00.000+08:00

My iPod is going wonky again! When I bought this, some songs were skipping (which turns out to be not the iPod's fault, just some poorly formatted songs) and they replaced it with a new unit. THEN, just recently, I was trying to add some songs and then it won't sync so I reformatted the songs but it still won't work! Here's some of the things I already did to it possibly making it worse but you have to help me fix it because it's already past its warranty and it's fairly new and I can't afford to buy another one PLUS I can't let this one go because I bought it with my own money and I haven't worn it out yet!!!

Anyway I have done:

restoring it (it goes error error!)
putting it in disk mode then restoring it (still goes error error)
erasing the whole thing on disk mode
reformat my laptop
uninstall iTunes and reinstall it again
upgraded all software

tomorrow, I'll try to format it on my dad's PC and see if it works. If all else fails and I really have to have it repaired, does anyone have an idea how much it would cost? I HATE THIS!!! I'm having so much anxiety because I can't fix it myself.

My problem with the show FRIENDS

2011-08-29T00:12:00.001+08:00

why don't they ever talk when they need to sort issues out? Why all the scheming and sneaking around? What's with all the games? Is it that hard to go up to a person who is supposedly your very good friend and go, hey, I have a problem with what you did. Like when Chandler thought he broke Joey's already broken chair, why didn't he just call him tell him "I broke your chair" and replace it with his which he did anyway. I don't get it.

But then again the show probably wouldn't last 10 seasons if it weren't for those communication problems so carry on, I guess.

I don't want to be one of those people

2011-08-28T20:16:00.001+08:00

But I really miss my nephew Milo. See I grew up believing that my brothers and I will stay kids forever and no one's going to marry anyone and no one's going to have babies. I always thought we're gonna stay in one roof, the five of us forever. Mom and dad will be parents forever and we will be kids forever. I'm not close to my cousins so if one of them has a baby, I felt like I have no right to be close to it. So I just ignored the babies (sidenote: and now they're in high school. WHAT IS THIS WORLD!). Now I have an immediate nephew. Someone I could actually call mine. Technically, Milo is a property of his parents but I have the right to unlimited pinches and squeezes on that weetle baby!! Also, knowing I don't want a child of my own, the only people who will get my motherly love (if I do have that) are the kids of my siblings and my friends.

Tomorrow, my mom will pick me up so I could go home to their house (and fix my iPod hopefully because there's internet there) and visit little baby Milo so I can squeeze his tiny thighs and make him fuss or whatever.

stuff people do that I hate

2011-08-28T14:40:00.000+08:00

when people blatantly tells you that you're an awkward person hence making you even more awkward. Like when they tell you, huy ang tahimik mo, huy magkwento ka naman, huy baka mapanis laway mo dyan. Really? That's people's way of encouraging other people to speak up? Hey, how about leaving them alone because MAYBE they just like listening or they have nothing to say that if you force them to say something they're just gonna say butt sex.

To me, it's a tiny form of bullying. And bullying is not nice.

someone's hidemyass is not successfully hiding their ass.

2011-08-28T14:30:00.000+08:00

something I'm proud of but maybe make me more dislikable.

2011-08-28T06:07:00.003+08:00

I am so over problems. And love lives. Scratch that. I only hate love/sex/etc-related problems. Mine and everyone else's. Sometimes I can't help but roll my eyes at problems I hear left and right. Like, get over yourself! That's a little harsh as I have problems too (psh not really) like say, I have no sex life at all and I may or may have not lost interest in it completely. There are times when I'd find myself pathetically slipping it into conversations asking people to help me out in that department but then after I do that, I realize that heck no, I don't want a sex life and I was just telling people about that "problem" so I don't get kicked out of the circle. And maybe a little harmless flirting with a penis will bring some life back into this long temporary death-slash-impractically long nap that is ironically my life. But the fact that I have to get up from my bed and/or actually use the text messaging function of my phone makes me go screw it, I'd rather be forever alone. Maybe this is just the ol' bitter lady talking but I cannot keep hearing about other people's problems about stuff I have nothing to contribute to. Let's talk about other problems like babies (sparingly) or facial hair or cute pets (not really a problem unless they die - OH GOD) or anything else!

Yeah, I know. It surprises me too why I still have friends.

(also forgive me, it's 6am and my iPod is dead and I'm upset and I'm blogging.)

2011-08-25T12:59:00.000+08:00

Last night I saw our cat clutching a huge ass rat by her mouth and looming around the ceiling. Then a few moments later, I heard thumping again and she and her kid (who's also travelling by its mother's mouth) are bonding on top of the cabinets.

It's like freaking Animal Planet.

(I don't know why mother cat hides the kid though. She used to let me play with it when it was really little. And now she keeps him/her in the ceiling. Selfish bitch.)

just wondering..

2011-08-25T02:40:00.001+08:00

exactly what is a person looking for when he/she googles "@jillilah sex"?

Does it mean someone think I'm sexy? WHAT IS IT??