Monday, April 10, 2017

After this week, things will be easier.

You know what's the worst thing about somebody breaking up with you? It's when you remember how little you thought about the people you broke up with and you realize that is how little they're thinking of you. You know, you'd like to think you're both in all this pain but they're just like "Hey, I'm glad you're gone". - Before Sunrise

 I always look back to this line whenever I need reassurance that everything is gonna be alright. I'm in this super fragile phase where I'm not angry anymore and I can't stop thinking about him and having second thoughts whether I did the right thing (I know I did). I just need all the distraction I can have.


I found this unfinished post in my drafts (with the same title), dated 11/25/15 and it took me longer than it should to remember who this is even for. It's amazing because the person I wrote this about mean nothing to me now. And if you know what happened in 2015, you would think I would carry that traumatic relationship with me for a long time but I'm not. I'm completely over it.

The past couple of weeks have been tough because of the Big Disappointment in Denmark (that would be the chapter title in my book) but it has gotten significantly better. I started seeing another guy last Friday and had a second "date" a while ago so I guess my mojo isn't gone yet. And that's a good confidence boost that I need right now.

The thing is, I get over things so quickly despite how intense it felt at the time it was happening. My head had been filled with so many words about him, about what happened, about how I felt, things that I wanted to write here but I never got the chance to because I found myself slowly letting it go. Like it's starting to not matter to me anymore. It happened and it's over and it's just one of those things that I have to move on from. I mean, he took no time to stop caring. If there are times that he would be checking up on me through here, it would be out of his vanity, if I'm still writing about him etc. He's going to run out of material to read about himself soon enough. And whatever remaining connection that we have will turn to dust and that will be it.

The end of an era.

It's so ironic because one of most reassuring things in life is knowing that sadness will ultimately go away when you let it, but at the same time how distressful it is when you start wondering, how do you even know if feelings are real, when it will fade in time, inevitably?

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