Stupid things I did after a breakup.

My friend is going through a tough breakup now and every time she goes texting me stuff like "Jill, I'm so sad. Jill, I feel so empty. Jill, I want him back." I can't help but laugh a bit not because I'm mean (not entirely) but because of how it's still weirdly familiar that grueling pain of breaking up with someone is. When I was going through the same thing, this zen state I'm in right now is absolutely nowhere in the horizon and I was convinced I would be miserable for the rest of my life.

And look at me now.

Single and no plans of having a boyfriend unless you're really hot and an established musician in French Canada. And looking forward to being a creepy catlady. (I'm not even being sarcastic. This is how I want my life to turn out.)

And really happy.

But it took a while to get there. Like a WHILE. My friend was worried it would take as long as I did to get over her breakup because I took a whole lot of time and did a whole bunch of stupid mess to get where I am now.

And now I'm gonna tell you all about it. In list form.

1.  begged him to take me back right after breaking up with him. Then the ball was on his court (whatever that means since I don't play ball games but I think I'm using it right) and I was the one devastated when he didn't.
2. cried in a food court in front of my best friend. I was banging my head on the table when I told her what was happening. Not one of my finest moments. I was also in that mall because I was gonna beg him to meet me and go home with him so I can continue to beg him for everything.
3. followed him home on days I was begging him to take me back. NEVER a good idea to travel to Bicutan and then go home to an empty apartment on a 200 pesos cab ride, rejected after all the pleas that you did. Don't ever do that. Because you're gonna want to kill yourself.
4.  cried in a Dashboard Confessional concert. Like 2 songs in and I was a sobbing mess. Good thing they're gonna come back this March and I will have the chance to redeem myself in front of Chris Carrabba.
5. not eat a single proper meal 3 days after the whole breakup happened. I think in those three days all I had was iced tea from Wendy's, regular fries from KFC, and a bite of duck. This is stupid because after realizing that he will never come back, I started stuffing myself with Cebu lechon with unlimited rice on the Chic-boy near our office. Kind of the same thing happened when Simple Plan was here, I couldn't eat at all because I was too in love and excited and whatever I ate would come out in liquid grainy form from my rear end so I just decided to not eat because I didn't wan't to lose my shit (literally) in front of David, I was 105lbs when they left. Two weeks later, my friend (who was the one going through the breakup), led me to the demise of my achieved goal weight by eating buy one take one pizzas one night after the other (I ate pizza every single day of a week) and having midnight snacks and food trips all the time. Last time I checked, my weight is back to 112lbs and my food baby is back in action grumbling for more. Remember when I tweeted "I miss the diarrhea that you came with."? Yeah, I was talking about David. Because he took my super hot 105-pound body with him when he rode that plane to Malaysia and left me with a fatty! 
6. got wasted at least 4 times a week. That was my drunken phase that I think I'm over for good now since I have no desire to drink anymore. Not that I strictly won't drink but lately the idea of being drunk and stupid just doesn't appeal to me anymore. I'm a such a mature person.
7. slept with people I just met. Something I can't imagine happening now unless you're really hot and an established musician in French Canada. 
8. wished for something bad to happen to me. I don't know if this counts since I didn't really do anything, I just thought of it. But during the really bad days, I would wake up and seriously wish that I'd get hit by a car so I could be sent to the hospital and take a break from my life JUST TO STOP THE PAIN IN MY HEART! It was totally bad. Like I'm laughing about it now but I can't deny the fact that it REALLY hurt like you wouldn't believe back then and from me! I am not really seen as someone who would throw her life for a boy but those days were just seriously bad (I cannot stress this enough and I'd like to believe that this justifies my stupid actions) and if I could go back to that time and whether I'd go through it again, the person I used to be would say something heroic like, I'm gonna go through the whole ordeal again because hey, what are life experiences for? but NOOO. If I had a choice and there's a path that didn't involve that much pain, I would freaking choose that path and roll myself to it if I had to over and over again til I die. 

I think those are the only stupid things I did that time. Though I can't be entirely sure because I was mostly drunk. I think there may even be drugs and gambling involved but then again, I can never really be sure.

So to anyone going through a break-up. Hang in there. Someday you'll get over it and you will become a selfish emotionless robot like me in no time.

I'm just kidding. It's gonna take a while.

At least I'm happy!