Sunday, April 23, 2017

moderately inappropriate things to say post-sex

me: oh my god, you have the same body as Jesus!
m: Jesus Christ?
me: yeah! That's why you looked familiar!
me: could you do this *does crucifix arms*

(I don't know why people don't just run out the door when I say shit like this)

Monday, April 10, 2017

After this week, things will be easier.


You know what's the worst thing about somebody breaking up with you? It's when you remember how little you thought about the people you broke up with and you realize that is how little they're thinking of you. You know, you'd like to think you're both in all this pain but they're just like "Hey, I'm glad you're gone". - Before Sunrise

 I always look back to this line whenever I need reassurance that everything is gonna be alright. I'm in this super fragile phase where I'm not angry anymore and I can't stop thinking about him and having second thoughts whether I did the right thing (I know I did). I just need all the distraction I can have.


***

I found this unfinished post in my drafts (with the same title), dated 11/25/15 and it took me longer than it should to remember who this is even for. It's amazing because the person I wrote this about mean nothing to me now. And if you know what happened in 2015, you would think I would carry that traumatic relationship with me for a long time but I'm not. I'm completely over it.

The past couple of weeks have been tough because of the Big Disappointment in Denmark (that would be the chapter title in my book) but it has gotten significantly better. I started seeing another guy last Friday and had a second "date" a while ago so I guess my mojo isn't gone yet. And that's a good confidence boost that I need right now.

The thing is, I get over things so quickly despite how intense it felt at the time it was happening. My head had been filled with so many words about him, about what happened, about how I felt, things that I wanted to write here but I never got the chance to because I found myself slowly letting it go. Like it's starting to not matter to me anymore. It happened and it's over and it's just one of those things that I have to move on from. I mean, he took no time to stop caring. If there are times that he would be checking up on me through here, it would be out of his vanity, if I'm still writing about him etc. He's going to run out of material to read about himself soon enough. And whatever remaining connection that we have will turn to dust and that will be it.

The end of an era.

It's so ironic because one of most reassuring things in life is knowing that sadness will ultimately go away when you let it, but at the same time how distressful it is when you start wondering, how do you even know if feelings are real, when it will fade in time, inevitably?


Monday, April 3, 2017

the purge begins

I don't wanna let you go,
but it hurts my hands to hold the rope
-Sink, Brand New


we will always have copenhagen (specifically nyhavn)



contrary to popular belief (mostly mine), I wasn't miserable the whole time I was in Copenhagen. Yeah, it made a major dent in my spirit (more like it broke my soul in half that the whole Copenhagen might as well be a horcrux) but despite that, I still consider it as a huge milestone because HELLO given my financial status and overall personality, this is impossible in theory. Let us give credit where credit is due. 

(secretly wishing now that we had gone to Stockholm because Lisbeth Salander is from there but this post is not going to be about that)

ANYWAY

After many, many years (probably more than 2 years give or take, I am very bad at math), I finally got to see my bestest friendest foreverererererer. <3

And I can't even begin to thank and apologize to her for humoring me with this trip. See, she had zero reason to choose Denmark. Don't tell this to anyone...but Copenhagen isn't that great. I know it's super trendy on Instagram right now and I'm not being biased or being a hater because I'm bitter or anything, and I didn't really have the best experience blah blah blah but it's just SO FUCKING GREY (except Nyhavn, which is the reason why it's my favorite place there) (also, please take note that maybe I'm not really the best person to rely on for information right now). 

It's fine to go there for like, a week tops, I stayed there for two and it drove me crazy. Don't get me wrong, I could totally see myself living there if I were living a different life--everyone and everywhere is beautiful, and no one will look at you while walking on the street so that's good if you're socially anxious like me and maybe I'd still consider it as somewhere to settle in in the future just because the whole system there is calculated so well that it's basically a perfect place to live in (compared to, you know, the Philippines). The food is also good because I'm all about stuff on toasts. But it's not a great place for a vacation or if you plan on being touristy (I heard it's beautiful in the summer so my timing is pretty awful). 

We could've gone to Iceland and saw the Aurora thing in the sky (it's her dream to see it).

But she went and saw me in Copenhagen. (because I'm stupid enough to fly there to see a guy *sticking finger in throat.gif*)

And my love for her burst through the seams exponentially.

What I love about my friendship with her is that it doesn't matter how long we hadn't seen or talked to each other. The moment we do, it's like we pick up right where we left off and it's like the years hadn't passed by at all. We're the same old silly friends from high school all the time. That night in Nyhavn where we got drunk off our socks (especially me), it was like that night in Madison where we drank Tanduay on the floor mattress and it was so special to be drunk with just the two of us and talking about absolutely anything. I felt a little bad that I got too out of control drunk because I'm usually the more responsible one (drunken night wise) but she took care of me and rubbed my back when I was throwing up in the toilet and I felt her motherly love when I needed it second most (first most was when she already left so I can't blame her for that). 

Jhermin, you are the love of my life. My soulmate. You're probably a horcrux now though. But I hope in the future, we could still have that dream where we both live in a nice city with dogs and no boyfriends (don't tell K! But if he's nice enough, I'll let him touch you once in a while with supervision. *still cackling at "nilamon ng sistema"* --- birth of a new gold inside joke because we're adults now). I'm looking at Montreal. It will take yearsssss and I'll probably die first but you being a horcrux will hopefully prevent that from happening. 

I love you love you love you. 

xx



we started with a bottle of wine then shots of Tanduay (that I brought from home solely for this purpose because the wine did nothing). She cliche-ly tripped and dropped her coins on the floor and had a cute guy help her (that bitch!) and I ended up puking on the street that our uber driver had to assist us back to our home, cutting our night short. All in all, a good fucking time.



a glimpse into our future as grumpy old people eating lunch on a park bench and people watching (people judging more like)



that particularly cold and rainy night when I complained non-stop about being cold (see sad face). She took it like a champ because Canadian.


in our room in Gothabsvajayjay. We cute.



2007 drunken night in Madison



the Nyhavn night ended the same way but we didn't have another roommate to take an embarrassing photo of us this time (also, why was I wearing an all-Jhermin wardrobe??)


Monday, March 27, 2017

I'm not scared of flying anymore

I feel like it's a slight milestone for me to throw myself into a series of super long flights that i had no choice but to actually like it. Given my travel anxiety.  Once upon a time, a turbulence would send me hyperventilating and gripping my bones to death. But when it happened recently, i simply closed my eyes and told myself calmly— This is it. This is how I'm going to die. And i apologize to everyone on this plane for taking y'all down with me through this deathwish. 

That's one thing I've learned from it. When you stop caring, you stop being scared.

Please comment whether you think that's a good or bad thing.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you

I've been in a "don't fall in love, don't get hurt" mantra in the past few years but witnessing songs like this that are born out of heartbreak makes me miss the tragedy of being in love and it falling apart. 

You have to watch this whole video. My heart hurts just thinking of all the things they went through. 


 

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Everything is gonna be fine.

I'm being unbelievably chill while waiting for my visa results. It's weird because I feel like I'm not even gonna be devastated if ever I don't get approved. It's probably gonna go, "Oh, I already expected this worst thing to happen to me. I'm okay." And I'm not sure if I'm manifesting the right attitude about that. I mean, at least I'm not gonna be sad but maybe being sad about something is good? I don't know. What the fuck are feelings even?

I have a good feeling about getting approved though because why would I not get approved? They'd be CRAZY not to stamp my forehead with APPROVED TO GO TO _______ (not disclosing where I'm going because my enemies might see this and send their nega vibes my way).


Wednesday, November 16, 2016

This is 28

 

Oh wow, look at that. I'm UPDATING! 

There's really not much to tell. I turned 28 last night and I'm posting this picture to let everyone know that despite turning 28 (which i personally dread saying. 27 or 29 is fine but 28 just sounds so boring-old), I am still fairly happy with my appearance and I'm coming into terms with looking my age. 

Anyway, i am thankful for my fast growing hair (someone i haven't seen since May was surprised with how long my hair got---might write about this but I don't know why I should bother because they all turn so fast on me), fast recovery (i was suffering from sore throat a few days ago and was bordering on getting sick but i fought through without taking any meds except for 1 paracetamol and felt fine after a day--like whaaaat. The lord knows i cant afford going to the doctors because i am kinda broke as fuuuuck), fast recovery from people who made me feel like I'm wanted and then changing their mind at the last minute, fast metabolism because I've had more or less the same body as 10 years ago.

Also thankful for the great people in my life who i actually like hanging out with. I have the best taste in people and it's been great for my mental health. 

28 is gonna be awesome! I'm going on a trip next year to see my best friend who i haven't seen in two years and I'm so excited to just be crazy with her and cuddle and gossip like teenagers.

Here's to 500 more boyfriends! 


Monday, September 26, 2016

Someone out-sassed me

Me: I'm so tired! SOMEONE made me tired!
Him: Well, SOMEONE didn't want to watch the movie.