awkward growing out phase.

My bangs haven't grown this long in a while but I'm holding on to it because I want to try living my life without my hair covering my face. It's gonna be a challenge because I got so used to seeing myself with a fringe. So far, it's not going well. My hair always end up being either soccer mom-ish or just man-ish, I just end up bunning my hair and clipping my bangs all day everyday (which is good because I rarely wash my hair). I'm just waiting for myself to be fed up with my face that I hack them on my own. Looking to try baby bangs anyway.

Stupid things I did after a breakup.

My friend is going through a tough breakup now and every time she goes texting me stuff like "Jill, I'm so sad. Jill, I feel so empty. Jill, I want him back." I can't help but laugh a bit not because I'm mean (not entirely) but because of how it's still weirdly familiar that grueling pain of breaking up with someone is. When I was going through the same thing, this zen state I'm in right now is absolutely nowhere in the horizon and I was convinced I would be miserable for the rest of my life.

And look at me now.

Single and no plans of having a boyfriend unless you're really hot and an established musician in French Canada. And looking forward to being a creepy catlady. (I'm not even being sarcastic. This is how I want my life to turn out.)

And really happy.

But it took a while to get there. Like a WHILE. My friend was worried it would take as long as I did to get over her breakup because I took a whole lot of time and did a whole bunch of stupid mess to get where I am now.

And now I'm gonna tell you all about it. In list form.

1.  begged him to take me back right after breaking up with him. Then the ball was on his court (whatever that means since I don't play ball games but I think I'm using it right) and I was the one devastated when he didn't.
2. cried in a food court in front of my best friend. I was banging my head on the table when I told her what was happening. Not one of my finest moments. I was also in that mall because I was gonna beg him to meet me and go home with him so I can continue to beg him for everything.
3. followed him home on days I was begging him to take me back. NEVER a good idea to travel to Bicutan and then go home to an empty apartment on a 200 pesos cab ride, rejected after all the pleas that you did. Don't ever do that. Because you're gonna want to kill yourself.
4.  cried in a Dashboard Confessional concert. Like 2 songs in and I was a sobbing mess. Good thing they're gonna come back this March and I will have the chance to redeem myself in front of Chris Carrabba.
5. not eat a single proper meal 3 days after the whole breakup happened. I think in those three days all I had was iced tea from Wendy's, regular fries from KFC, and a bite of duck. This is stupid because after realizing that he will never come back, I started stuffing myself with Cebu lechon with unlimited rice on the Chic-boy near our office. Kind of the same thing happened when Simple Plan was here, I couldn't eat at all because I was too in love and excited and whatever I ate would come out in liquid grainy form from my rear end so I just decided to not eat because I didn't wan't to lose my shit (literally) in front of David, I was 105lbs when they left. Two weeks later, my friend (who was the one going through the breakup), led me to the demise of my achieved goal weight by eating buy one take one pizzas one night after the other (I ate pizza every single day of a week) and having midnight snacks and food trips all the time. Last time I checked, my weight is back to 112lbs and my food baby is back in action grumbling for more. Remember when I tweeted "I miss the diarrhea that you came with."? Yeah, I was talking about David. Because he took my super hot 105-pound body with him when he rode that plane to Malaysia and left me with a fatty! 
6. got wasted at least 4 times a week. That was my drunken phase that I think I'm over for good now since I have no desire to drink anymore. Not that I strictly won't drink but lately the idea of being drunk and stupid just doesn't appeal to me anymore. I'm a such a mature person.
7. slept with people I just met. Something I can't imagine happening now unless you're really hot and an established musician in French Canada. 
8. wished for something bad to happen to me. I don't know if this counts since I didn't really do anything, I just thought of it. But during the really bad days, I would wake up and seriously wish that I'd get hit by a car so I could be sent to the hospital and take a break from my life JUST TO STOP THE PAIN IN MY HEART! It was totally bad. Like I'm laughing about it now but I can't deny the fact that it REALLY hurt like you wouldn't believe back then and from me! I am not really seen as someone who would throw her life for a boy but those days were just seriously bad (I cannot stress this enough and I'd like to believe that this justifies my stupid actions) and if I could go back to that time and whether I'd go through it again, the person I used to be would say something heroic like, I'm gonna go through the whole ordeal again because hey, what are life experiences for? but NOOO. If I had a choice and there's a path that didn't involve that much pain, I would freaking choose that path and roll myself to it if I had to over and over again til I die. 

I think those are the only stupid things I did that time. Though I can't be entirely sure because I was mostly drunk. I think there may even be drugs and gambling involved but then again, I can never really be sure.

So to anyone going through a break-up. Hang in there. Someday you'll get over it and you will become a selfish emotionless robot like me in no time.

I'm just kidding. It's gonna take a while.

At least I'm happy!

Embarrassing photo time.

This is posted for the sake of showing you how ridiculous it is what happened weeks ago that I still can't really shut up about and you can't stop me EVER FOREVER!

 

Jhermin gave me this pillow back in 2005 for Christmas and I kept it, slept with it, everyday for more than 3 years until his face started to peel off and I didn't want to touch it anymore for fear of it just self-destructing right before my eyes. Like if you were my roommate before, you would know not to mess with that pillow, I was the only one allowed to touch it and if you drop it, lie on it or whatever thing you do with it, you will immediately be dead to me. I was also wearing a Simple Plan shirt in that picture and I wasn't really sleeping and I took that picture myself and there's a whole set of it. I'M SO EMBARRASSED RIGHT NOW OKAY! 

But oh well, it's just AMAZING how I could go from there to this:

go away bouncer, we're having sex here.

Remind me to delete this post just in case he suddenly remembers me and decides to keep in touch and he ends up at this site and OHMYGOD just kill me if he does that.

what people need to know

guess what I just got.... + a letter to Ampersand.

A BABY!!! 

Look at his elfin ears! 

If you haven't been following my life like you should, that's actually my nephew Milo who I realized do look like me in this picture taken with my NEW BABY! Finally got a laptop thanks to a great deal from my friend Jaja. I still feel bad about losing Ampersand since she's still fairly young and functioning like a horse at 3 years old so I'm gonna write this heartfelt letter to my beloved old stolen laptop.

Dear Ampersand, 

I'm letting you go now, but it's very hard to. You've been with me through everything and it pains me because you are NOT in better hands because you were taken from me unexpectedly (as in I went to gym, came back and you were gone), you must've struggled to get away from the robber if you had hands and feet because you know how much I loved you and took care of you.  If you ever find your way back to me, please know that I will still love you but if you don't, please self-destruct yourself while your new owner is using you and make sure, you explode well so you can blow off the head of that putrid person who is using you right now because you are mine and only mine. 

I love you and you will be in my memory.

Fish tikoy.

When David first saw me, I was in front of the fish tikoy display in Edsa Shangrila so in a way, this fish-shaped delicacy is kind of special to me. We had that moment there. It was an essential part whenever I think back to that time. I don't know, maybe he was really meant to look at the fish tikoy when I caught his eye. Plus Mafe kept on asking us to take pictures of her with it that it started to annoy us ("ano bang meron sa fish tikoy na yan!! Tumigil ka na nga!") so I couldn't really forget about it even if I tried. When I came home from listening to the Katy Perry concert a while ago, I checked the ref and saw it filled with red boxes and when I opened them, I saw this.

The first thing that came to my mind: Aww, fish tikoy!
The second: damn, I wish I had a time machine right now.

Happy Chinese New Year everyone!!

"Hindi ka nya ginalaw, so maybe that means you're special."

--a very supportive friend.

I love my friends.

Things I'm happy about.

I'm a big ball of love the past few days and you could probably tell why (see a few posts below) I feel like running to a hill and singing and twirling and GAHHH I'm just so happy!!

There are more things to be happy and giddy about like:

-my friend Lauren's current status in the romance department. Hahahaha. I'm sorry, I have to say it. I feel like she's my daughter and she's going on her first date and all. People better not start playing Butterfly Kisses or I might just cry.

-Brianna's 1st birthday!

-Ella and Cuyeg's wedding.

-my mother calling me David all the time and going "hmp, may David ka na kasi." when I'm being mean to her.

-it's January!

-it will soon be March and I will finally be able to support my friend Jhermin the way she supported me during the whole Simple Plan situation.

-saying "sana sila na magkatuluyan at never na silang maghiwalay ever." and meaning it completely free of bitterness.

-things going together.

What are you happy about? I just wanna throw confetti at everyone.

I wonder how many years I'm gonna stay single again.

Hangover city.

Enchanted night part deux

Sound check party day.

The whole idea of a soundcheck party, it isn't really a party. When I told this story to my brother, he asked, "ano yun nagiinuman kayo?" NO. I WISH. It was just a few fans around 50 or less would get the chance to watch them do their soundcheck and they'd come to the crowd and have pictures with each of us. It was an amazing event!