Thursday, June 22, 2017

social media inspos for the brain -- Jenny Slate

Okay so I was planning to make this post a long list of people I follow online whose lives aren't centered on being pretty and sexy (and no shame because I follow a LOT of those too!) but there are too many tweets/posts to gather and I underestimated how much work that takes and really, I'm only trying the most slightest to make my way back to regularly posting here, so let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Anyway, the people I will mention now and maybe the next few days won't be what the typical millennial would call ~aesthetics but whenever I read their tweets, see how they live, it makes me laugh/think/cry and remember that words are still SO good.

A post shared by @jennyslate on
(I imagine my best life would be Jenny Slate playing Landslide to her sleeping dog where I am both Jenny Slate and the dog.)

This is my most favorite tweet maybe ever! Her feed is just full of pureness like this. I was actually going to print and frame this but I didn't have the right paper size for the picture frame that I have :(((

and also tweets like this

I also highly recommend Obvious Child, I've seen it twice and would watch again in the future. 

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

how do you not tick?

Dating is so hard. How do you stop yourself from obsessing over someone, if he's telling the truth, if he's bullshitting you, if tells you he's not seeing other people but you know he is? How do you stop your brain from telling all these bad things? One time I lost my shit on this guy I'm currently seeing and he immediately pulled the crazy card on me. And he didn't seem like the type to call a girl crazy. So I must've acted like complete nutjob that time. I'm trying so hard. I really am. But it's so hard to fully give yourself to someone when 90% of you know that it will end in the gutter. That you just end up as this awful obsessive blob of a human being instead of the funny, affectionate and intelligent woman that you really are. I'd fall in love with me. Easily. But sometimes.. you know. Everything sucks.

S: I'm just preparing you for reality
me: I'm the most prepared for reality! Ilang reality na yung napagdaanan ko! Minsan lang masarap isipin na hindi ka niloloko. 

Thursday, May 11, 2017

something funny happened today

Okay, so I probably promised myself I wouldn't mention the word Denmark or anything related to it anymore but let me break that spell for a bit for blogging's sake.

Early last year, Danish boy was packing for his trip back home and casually gave me two pieces of coins as a souvenir or whatever. It wasn't a big deal, it was something like it was scattered somewhere and he was like, "do you want it?" and I'm like, "sure, whatever" But I kept it in my wallet  for the longest time. And maybe, it meant a lot to me back then. I liked the fact that I had it and that he gave it to me. I was also super confident that I wouldn't lose it because I rarely ever lose anything.

Until I did.

Just one day, it wasn't in my wallet anymore and I couldn't find it anywhere. And I remember feeling really sad about it because it had a sentimental value to me and I felt bad about myself for losing it, for not taking care of it etc. Eventually, I've accepted that I most likely paid the bus fare with it and that I will never see it again.

I'm not sure if this happened before or after I decided to buy that stupid ticket to Denmark but I'm sure I took it as bad sign about me and Danish boy. I mean, we weren't really anything. For the whole year, our friendship was on and off, flirting here and there etc. I honestly can't be bothered to remember in detail what we were being at that time but it was like that, in general.

Anyway, pre-Denmark, I thought to myself, if this coin makes its way back to me like that five dollar bill in the movie Serendipity, everything will be fine! Like that would be a pretty awesome good omen if it happened.

Then Denmark happened and we all know that didn't really end all that well. And I have a very angry email saved in my sent folder as a reminder of that but whatever, it's over and done with.

But guess what I found earlier this day in our office cash box while I was rummaging for coins to pay for the office drinking water.

I dont know. I'm sure it doesn't really mean anything. It's just funny how things...change. (get it? change? because it's change? Ok, I'll shut up forever now bye)

Friday, May 5, 2017

nonchalant is a good word

I've been playing this on repeat the whole night and ironically, I am NOT even going through anything because I'm a happy baby lately (no takebacks though!). But this is such a good song and I don't think we listen to this enough and throughly enough (because the lyrics are bomb).

Unfortunately, I am not as eloquent as this song. But it's SOOOO GOOD!!! LISTEN TO IT!

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

I just watched Blue is the Warmest Color last night and during their last break-up talk, Emma told Adele something like, "I don't love you anymore but I feel an infinite tenderness for you," And that just doesn't make any sense! Because I feel like tenderness is a main currency of love and if you feel tenderness for someone, that must mean that you still love them. Personally, I know the moment I've lost love for someone is when I stop being tender to him, when I've become pure meanness, that I no longer care how my words or actions hurt that person.

"Infinite tenderness" is such a lovely phrase though that I will definitely put that on my future wedding vows.

How to sext as told by Jillilah

Sunday, April 23, 2017

moderately inappropriate things to say post-sex

me: oh my god, you have the same body as Jesus!
m: Jesus Christ?
me: yeah! That's why you looked familiar!
me: could you do this *does crucifix arms*

(I don't know why people don't just run out the door when I say shit like this)

Monday, April 10, 2017

After this week, things will be easier.

You know what's the worst thing about somebody breaking up with you? It's when you remember how little you thought about the people you broke up with and you realize that is how little they're thinking of you. You know, you'd like to think you're both in all this pain but they're just like "Hey, I'm glad you're gone". - Before Sunrise

 I always look back to this line whenever I need reassurance that everything is gonna be alright. I'm in this super fragile phase where I'm not angry anymore and I can't stop thinking about him and having second thoughts whether I did the right thing (I know I did). I just need all the distraction I can have.


I found this unfinished post in my drafts (with the same title), dated 11/25/15 and it took me longer than it should to remember who this is even for. It's amazing because the person I wrote this about mean nothing to me now. And if you know what happened in 2015, you would think I would carry that traumatic relationship with me for a long time but I'm not. I'm completely over it.

The past couple of weeks have been tough because of the Big Disappointment in Denmark (that would be the chapter title in my book) but it has gotten significantly better. I started seeing another guy last Friday and had a second "date" a while ago so I guess my mojo isn't gone yet. And that's a good confidence boost that I need right now.

The thing is, I get over things so quickly despite how intense it felt at the time it was happening. My head had been filled with so many words about him, about what happened, about how I felt, things that I wanted to write here but I never got the chance to because I found myself slowly letting it go. Like it's starting to not matter to me anymore. It happened and it's over and it's just one of those things that I have to move on from. I mean, he took no time to stop caring. If there are times that he would be checking up on me through here, it would be out of his vanity, if I'm still writing about him etc. He's going to run out of material to read about himself soon enough. And whatever remaining connection that we have will turn to dust and that will be it.

The end of an era.

It's so ironic because one of most reassuring things in life is knowing that sadness will ultimately go away when you let it, but at the same time how distressful it is when you start wondering, how do you even know if feelings are real, when it will fade in time, inevitably?

Monday, April 3, 2017