Wednesday, February 15, 2017

pls help me not die

So I've been making like an Esther Greenwood and I haven't been able to write or read for God knows how long. I'm not trying to kill myself so I'm not gonna write it off as a problem yet but it is very frustrating! My phone has taken over my life and I blame it completely for making me a useless drone. Seriously, what did we do before social media? It's not like I was productive before but I'm just the WORST recently. Anyway, writing this for the sake of writing even though it sucks and I totally hate how I sound when I read this in my head. So to ease myself into whatever, let's do fucking lists!!
  • so, as some of you may or may not know, my Schengen visa got approved and my trip to Denmark is finally a go. I know I'm not really big on saying exactly where I'm going because I'm afraid I'll jinx it but whatever. Jhermin will fly from Canada and I will finally get to squish her after more than 2 years. 
  • last night, I asked my host if there are any eat-all-you-can places in Copenhagen like the proper pig that I am (in case I get really hungry). And he's like, "Being feet shouldn't be one of your concerns" and it birthed this weird exchange and I feel like it would just be full of sabaw moments like this with him when I get there.

Don't you just love it when you both don't have english as your first language. You don't have to worry about sounding perfect. This is partly why I've sworn off dating Americans. 

  • Anticipating the travel there and all the anxieties I've been having which includes but are not limited to:
    • missing my flight. I'll be coming from Clark (why I booked a flight from Clark, I don't know. I'm a huge idiot.)
    • not wearing the right clothes and freezing to death the moment I land
    • diarrhea
    • masungit na flight attendants
    • getting called for security check
    • losing my luggage in the carousel thingy
    • my host suddenly having an emergency and not showing up to pick me at the airport
    • missing my birth control pills because of the time difference and getting pregnant (!!!)
    • looking like a greasy, smelly hobo the moment I get there and all my dramatic reunion hug fantasies will go to the dumps
    • forgetting to bring something
    • how to minimise my makeup kit to last me 2 weeks 
    • Can I survive with just one kind of highlighter?
    • I seriously just want to look my best because have you seen the people in Copenhagen? They're all way too cool and I will definitely look like a mini dumpling dork with my height and not-blonde hair and asian-ness.
  • If anyone, ANYONE, has any tips with traveling, please do send them my way! I am obviously not the wanderlust type and I don't know why I'm even doing this to myself (it is way too stressful, my hair might start falling out).

Sunday, February 5, 2017

I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you

I've been in a "don't fall in love, don't get hurt" mantra in the past few years but witnessing songs like this that are born out of heartbreak makes me miss the tragedy of being in love and it falling apart. 

You have to watch this whole video. My heart hurts just thinking of all the things they went through. 


Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Everything is gonna be fine.

I'm being unbelievably chill while waiting for my visa results. It's weird because I feel like I'm not even gonna be devastated if ever I don't get approved. It's probably gonna go, "Oh, I already expected this worst thing to happen to me. I'm okay." And I'm not sure if I'm manifesting the right attitude about that. I mean, at least I'm not gonna be sad but maybe being sad about something is good? I don't know. What the fuck are feelings even?

I have a good feeling about getting approved though because why would I not get approved? They'd be CRAZY not to stamp my forehead with APPROVED TO GO TO _______ (not disclosing where I'm going because my enemies might see this and send their nega vibes my way).

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

This is 28


Oh wow, look at that. I'm UPDATING! 

There's really not much to tell. I turned 28 last night and I'm posting this picture to let everyone know that despite turning 28 (which i personally dread saying. 27 or 29 is fine but 28 just sounds so boring-old), I am still fairly happy with my appearance and I'm coming into terms with looking my age. 

Anyway, i am thankful for my fast growing hair (someone i haven't seen since May was surprised with how long my hair got---might write about this but I don't know why I should bother because they all turn so fast on me), fast recovery (i was suffering from sore throat a few days ago and was bordering on getting sick but i fought through without taking any meds except for 1 paracetamol and felt fine after a day--like whaaaat. The lord knows i cant afford going to the doctors because i am kinda broke as fuuuuck), fast recovery from people who made me feel like I'm wanted and then changing their mind at the last minute, fast metabolism because I've had more or less the same body as 10 years ago.

Also thankful for the great people in my life who i actually like hanging out with. I have the best taste in people and it's been great for my mental health. 

28 is gonna be awesome! I'm going on a trip next year to see my best friend who i haven't seen in two years and I'm so excited to just be crazy with her and cuddle and gossip like teenagers.

Here's to 500 more boyfriends! 

Monday, September 26, 2016

Someone out-sassed me

Me: I'm so tired! SOMEONE made me tired!
Him: Well, SOMEONE didn't want to watch the movie.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016 I did this thing

The past couple of days, I would have random mild panic attacks when I start thinking about what will happen next year because I did this CRAZY stupid thing last Saturday and there's no turning back. I could turn back but it would be a huge waste of money and stress.

I don't want to be too specific about it yet because I don't want to jinx anything. Although if you have been following my life, you would have an idea. It's not even that crazy but considering my terror for basically EVERYTHING, this is a big deal for me.

So what I've been doing to distract myself from my anxiety is reading up on what I'm going to do and repeating to myself that it is feasible and everything is going to be okay (because IT IS! EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE OKAY, OKAY? YOU HAVE TO CHILL!)

Also, the current girl of an ex is bugging the fuck out of me like DUDE, get the fuck over the fact that I have slept with more than 2 guys. You literally have NOTHING to do with it and it's none of your business what I do with my lady business. I might write something about slut-shaming because she has inspired so much in me that I want to school assholes like her to straighten the fuck up. (she watches my blog like a hawk and she maybe the only person reading this, for real, so I'm not even making an effort to sound eloquent since she doesn't know any better anyway and not worth the effort)

So that has been a nice distraction (and so fun too) because she's fucking nuts and I'm this close to exposing her online if she doesn't leave me alone.

Anyway!! OMG The Thing that I'm stressing out about is very stressful and I just need everyone to send happy, positive thoughts to me and imagine me being calm and also excited and happy and alive. <333

Monday, August 22, 2016

I really want to go back to writing but I'm in such a fuck it attitude towards life now that I can't. In the meantime, I'll use this break to cultivate my personal brand (lol) like a fungus.

To do list:

  • really simmer myself in The Bell Jar this time. There are so much gem in that book that I missed the first time I read it and I'm so glad I decided to read it again in a different format.
  • watch Rosemary's Baby and other dark films that I've been meaning to watch for a long time but have been putting off to watch Louie and just being a general lazy-ass.

Friday, July 22, 2016

about me

"I like playing with dicks when they're soft. I didn't do that on the first date because we don't know each other that well yet but since it's now our second date, I could do whatever I want."

Am I just not the most delightful person on earth? Like seriously, I don't know why men don't just congregate outside of my building with wedding proposals.

Thursday, June 30, 2016

I can adult (sometimes for maybe 5 seconds)

I just want everyone to know that I've been doing really well at adulting lately. My goal of cooking for myself earlier this year didn't take off immediately but it has now and I'm proud that I'm making progress despite taking too long to do anything. I haven't had fast food for dinner in weeks (lunch is a different situation because I had 7-11 fried chicken twice), and if you live away from your parents and are particularly lazy, that's a HUGE achievement. Anyway, monday I made vegetarian tacos then had one glass of wine as I watched the finale for Game of Thrones. There is no picture of that because it's just a mess of things that I literally jammed in my mouth while standing over the sink like a proper lady. Tacos are SO good, guys. What did we do to deserve tacos? I ate like six of them. 

Yesterday, I made shakshuka which sounds exotic but it's really just tomatoes and vegetables topped with egg. I was going to post that photo on Instagram but I don't want my shakshuka to be judged since it isn't exactly the most photogenic food but who the fuck really cares? 


For a while ago's dinner, I made a huge bowl of salad that I didn't think was going to be good since it's a "panic" food where I just want to get rid of shit in the fridge before they spoil. It turned out to be super tasty! Useful tip: keep a bottle of pesto and capers in your fridge because they make everything taste sosyal. They're also fairly cheap and keep well. I might make another shakshuka tomorrow (how fun is it to say that?) because it's easy and there's still left over canned tomatoes to get rid of. There's one more avocado to deal with, i'll probably just eat it whole. 

God! Talking about responsible eating is so boring! But I think it's important to post about the good things that are happening in my life right now because some people are still checking on me multiple times a day when they can and just how pathetic is that? Dear Obsessed Lady, I'm doing fine. I do not have any plans to ruin your life because I do not give a single fuck about you and what you do in your free time. And frankly, you're not the type of person I want going here because you're not my target market at all (because *in Jean-Ralphio's voice* you're jeje as fuuuuuuck) Please get married and have shitty babies with that shitty guy and stop worrying about my whereabouts already, sheesh.